Spent most of this afternoon crying. I promised my mum to stop posting pictures like this because they make her cry too – sorry mum!
I feel like a broken record when it comes to my knees so I won’t go on about it after this post because even I think it’s starting to become boring.
I’m just extremely sad and disappointed at the moment.
I feel like I fucked up and its very frustrating to know that I gave so much and tried so hard, only to be told that it was too much too soon and to just rest and do nothing for a while.
As stupid as it might sound, after having done nothing for so many years, I am just… scared.
I am scared that my body will forget about all the hard work I have been putting in these past 5 weeks.
I am scared that I will lose my motivation and drive to do this half marathon.
I am scared that I wont complete the Team Bangs journey if I make a quick stop and rest.
I am scared that resting will make me feel like a failure and destroy all the good things that have been happening to my confidence lately.
I am scared that this whole ‘knee thing’ will stop me from pushing myself and going harder and further in the future.
I am actually more than just scared – I am terrified – despite it sounding ridiculous.
And I know I probably shouldn’t beat myself up about it so much. But I can’t help it. This is the way I am and I don’t really know how to be anything else.
It angers, and frustrates, and saddens me when I want to do and give something my all and I can’t.
But as promised, I will rest for a week and do my best not to get too negative about it.
Unfortunately I have a feeling the latter is much easier said than done…
sorry to hear you are down :(
Hope you are now feeling at least a little bit better and that yer knee is healing fast.
I had a mishap of my own this week and a friend told me there’s two types of people, those who quit in a moment like that and those who toughen up.. (you know “sisu” here in Fland)
it’s just a test to see how serious you are in this thing you are doing…
and you have shown us how serious you are, so no hesitations about that one miss!! ;)
you’ll remember this “mishap” when you are running in Berlin and it’ll give you strength..
all the best
“woof woof”