Good morning my friends!

I hope you all had a nice weekend. I had grand plans of sorting out a lot of stuff but things didn’t quite go as I wanted…

A lot of things are happing in my life right now and despite trying my best to keep my head above water, it felt like I was drowning on Saturday and I didn’t have the energy to fight back any more.

So what should have been a cheap and cheerful little gathering on Saturday night with some friends, food and a drinks, turned into a proper booze fest and I drank so many gin cocktails (at happy hour!) that the thought of gin & elderflower still makes me want to vomit 1½ day later.

Half of me feels that of course I’m allowed to go out, have some fun and blow off some steam – it is so rare for me to do it that once every 6 months or so shouldn’t be something I get hung up about.

But the other half of me feels annoyed, frustrated and guilty because there were a few things I really wanted to get done this weekend that just didn’t happen because I spent a full day feeling fucking horrendous.

Truth be told though, despite being at peace with some of the shitty things that are happening right now, this wave of complete anxiety and stress washes over me from time to time.

I can handle it 85% of the time, but then there’s the other 15% that chokes me and drinking is such an easy way to drown out the voices in my head – but it’s also a very stupid and unsustainable way of dealing with it.

So until I sort shit out and get back on my feet, I have decided that I’m not going to drink. It might take a week, a month, a few months – I have no idea.

But even though I’m not a big drinker in general, I know that it’s so easy to get into the habit of having a few drinks (wine or beer) after work or with dinner “to take the edge of a day” – especially when you’re going through a rough patch in your life like I am at the moment.

So I rather try to do it in other ways like going for a run or doing something creative (like writing a blog post). It might not work, but I’m going to give it a go.

Hopefully it will help me get back into this running routine as well that I’ve really been struggling with since I got back from Thailand.

Koh Mak Beach Selfie

It’s weird how a certain occasion or day can remind you of things you usually don’t really think about (or try not to remember…).

This period two years ago was probably one of the worst and most difficult ones I’ve had in my “adult life”.

I had just broken up with my longtime boyfriend who I was living with at the time, I had nowhere to live, no family to comfort me, no savings or money, and no idea how I was gonna make it through the darkness.

I have very vivid memories of trying to find sofas to crash on whilst I sorted myself out and how bad I felt asking people because of Valentine’s Day.

It’s also weird (and in a way comforting) to notice how life really does go in cycles, and how I’m currently facing another shit/life changing situation in my life but with a totally different mindset and attitude.

Without going into too much detail, it makes me happy and proud to see and feel how much I have grown as a person these last two years. There’s some sort of maturity and calm about me that I definitely didn’t have back then.

I have this strange reassurance that even though I’m sad as hell and I have no idea what’s gonna happen, it will all work out in the end, I just have to keep my head up and believe in both myself and the path I have chosen (or that has chosen me?).

Sorry if it’s all a bit cryptic at the moment, as I said in my previous post, it will all make sense once I can figure out how to share everything Im going through.

But until then, thanks for reading, I hope this sort of stuff doesn’t bore you all too much! I’m in a phase right now that forces me to just get all these things out or it will eat away in my head and make it too heavy.

I usually don’t post a lot of “opinion” posts on this blog – mainly because I find that there are so many depressing things happening in the world, that having to discuss them all on this blog would just make me sad and miserable.

But, it has been 4 days since I saw the ad below and the first time I got absolutely outraged but thought this rage would slowly go away.

However, it seems that every time I now see some sort of sports ad or any sort of sport/fitness related post/tweet/image/whatever, this ad pops up at the back of my mind and I feel like breaking shit.

So go on, have a look…

Now, after 4 days of getting angry I felt like I had to reflect on WHY I was getting so pissed off and the truth is that it’s not the “This Girl Can” movement itself that makes me angry as hell.

If you know me, you know that IM ALL ABOUT women inspiring women, women getting into fitness, women helping women out, women feeling safe/ comfortable/ happy to train or do whatever they want no matter what they look like, what level of fitness they have etc etc etc – I am totally all about GIRL POWER!

I am a proud feminist and in short, all I want is for everybody on this earth (NO MATTER WHAT!) to be seen as equals.

So what pisses me off is the fact that we even need this ad and that it requires to use slogans like this:

I jiggle therefore I am

when other current fitness inspiration I see on the regular that is more geared towards a male audience use slogans and images like:

Just do it Ronaldo

Even before this ad I was fed up with the fact that I apparently need to justify to society that parts of my body “jiggle” when I move, or that I sweat when I do exercise (or god forbid even SMELL OF SWEAT), or any other bullshit that men get to somehow own and be proud of.

So to add on to the everyday disappointments and rage I feel as a woman of this world, imagine how I felt (if you can?) when I saw this ad for the first time.

I mean, you’d never ever see an ad like that on national TV featuring only men (maybe as a parody but never as an “inspirational ad”) – and I suppose at the end of the day – that is why I felt like smashing up my TV when I first saw it.

Because not only am I bombarded with images, ads, films, stories etc about how I should be all day long, but now there’s an ad like that as well that to me patronises (probably without meaning to!) so many things that I hold very close to my heart.

So Im happy that there’s an initiative like “This Girl Can” because I am all for women inspiring and helping other women – but so many other things surrounding it makes me genuinely sad and angry.

I know many badass, inspirational women who have motivated and inspired me to get fitter – and they have done so by owning every aspect of the reality of doing a hard workout without making excuses or making it feel patronising.

So what’s your take on it? You feel a bit like me or you think Im totally overreacting?