Not sure where my head was at this weekend
Good morning my friends!
I hope you all had a nice weekend. I had grand plans of sorting out a lot of stuff but things didn’t quite go as I wanted…
A lot of things are happing in my life right now and despite trying my best to keep my head above water, it felt like I was drowning on Saturday and I didn’t have the energy to fight back any more.
So what should have been a cheap and cheerful little gathering on Saturday night with some friends, food and a drinks, turned into a proper booze fest and I drank so many gin cocktails (at happy hour!) that the thought of gin & elderflower still makes me want to vomit 1½ day later.
Half of me feels that of course I’m allowed to go out, have some fun and blow off some steam – it is so rare for me to do it that once every 6 months or so shouldn’t be something I get hung up about.
But the other half of me feels annoyed, frustrated and guilty because there were a few things I really wanted to get done this weekend that just didn’t happen because I spent a full day feeling fucking horrendous.
Truth be told though, despite being at peace with some of the shitty things that are happening right now, this wave of complete anxiety and stress washes over me from time to time.
I can handle it 85% of the time, but then there’s the other 15% that chokes me and drinking is such an easy way to drown out the voices in my head – but it’s also a very stupid and unsustainable way of dealing with it.
So until I sort shit out and get back on my feet, I have decided that I’m not going to drink. It might take a week, a month, a few months – I have no idea.
But even though I’m not a big drinker in general, I know that it’s so easy to get into the habit of having a few drinks (wine or beer) after work or with dinner “to take the edge of a day” – especially when you’re going through a rough patch in your life like I am at the moment.
So I rather try to do it in other ways like going for a run or doing something creative (like writing a blog post). It might not work, but I’m going to give it a go.
Hopefully it will help me get back into this running routine as well that I’ve really been struggling with since I got back from Thailand.