Good morning my friends!

I hope you all had a nice weekend. I had grand plans of sorting out a lot of stuff but things didn’t quite go as I wanted…

A lot of things are happing in my life right now and despite trying my best to keep my head above water, it felt like I was drowning on Saturday and I didn’t have the energy to fight back any more.

So what should have been a cheap and cheerful little gathering on Saturday night with some friends, food and a drinks, turned into a proper booze fest and I drank so many gin cocktails (at happy hour!) that the thought of gin & elderflower still makes me want to vomit 1½ day later.

Half of me feels that of course I’m allowed to go out, have some fun and blow off some steam – it is so rare for me to do it that once every 6 months or so shouldn’t be something I get hung up about.

But the other half of me feels annoyed, frustrated and guilty because there were a few things I really wanted to get done this weekend that just didn’t happen because I spent a full day feeling fucking horrendous.

Truth be told though, despite being at peace with some of the shitty things that are happening right now, this wave of complete anxiety and stress washes over me from time to time.

I can handle it 85% of the time, but then there’s the other 15% that chokes me and drinking is such an easy way to drown out the voices in my head – but it’s also a very stupid and unsustainable way of dealing with it.

So until I sort shit out and get back on my feet, I have decided that I’m not going to drink. It might take a week, a month, a few months – I have no idea.

But even though I’m not a big drinker in general, I know that it’s so easy to get into the habit of having a few drinks (wine or beer) after work or with dinner “to take the edge of a day” – especially when you’re going through a rough patch in your life like I am at the moment.

So I rather try to do it in other ways like going for a run or doing something creative (like writing a blog post). It might not work, but I’m going to give it a go.

Hopefully it will help me get back into this running routine as well that I’ve really been struggling with since I got back from Thailand.

Koh Mak Beach Selfie

It’s weird how a certain occasion or day can remind you of things you usually don’t really think about (or try not to remember…).

This period two years ago was probably one of the worst and most difficult ones I’ve had in my “adult life”.

I had just broken up with my longtime boyfriend who I was living with at the time, I had nowhere to live, no family to comfort me, no savings or money, and no idea how I was gonna make it through the darkness.

I have very vivid memories of trying to find sofas to crash on whilst I sorted myself out and how bad I felt asking people because of Valentine’s Day.

It’s also weird (and in a way comforting) to notice how life really does go in cycles, and how I’m currently facing another shit/life changing situation in my life but with a totally different mindset and attitude.

Without going into too much detail, it makes me happy and proud to see and feel how much I have grown as a person these last two years. There’s some sort of maturity and calm about me that I definitely didn’t have back then.

I have this strange reassurance that even though I’m sad as hell and I have no idea what’s gonna happen, it will all work out in the end, I just have to keep my head up and believe in both myself and the path I have chosen (or that has chosen me?).

Sorry if it’s all a bit cryptic at the moment, as I said in my previous post, it will all make sense once I can figure out how to share everything Im going through.

But until then, thanks for reading, I hope this sort of stuff doesn’t bore you all too much! I’m in a phase right now that forces me to just get all these things out or it will eat away in my head and make it too heavy.

A new year – a new set of goals!

Sharing my goals on the blog have become a bit of a tradition, although it seems that I keep aiming for more or less the same things… ;)

But what can I say? Change can be a slow and difficult process at times.

These were my goals in 2013 and 2014 – and I’m very pleased to say that I achieved more or less all my goals for 2014!

Some I will reuse for 2015 because Im not 100% satisfied with how they turned out last year, but there will be some new ones as well!

My goals for 2015

HEALTH:
– DRINK MORE WATER! (same as last year)
– Train for 3 half marathons with the aim of doing a sub 2 hour one in Amsterdam
– Do more weight training whilst I run
– Become better at stretching
– Take better care of myself (wash my face, moisturise & floss daily!)

LIFE:
– Explore London & the world more (same as last year)
– Make more time for friends and family
– Go out at least once a month to some event
– Try to waste less time on pointless things
– Listen to more music & radio (same as last year)

WORK:
– Work on expanding some of my own business ideas incl. the MIC
– Create better content for this blog including more music, food and fitness posts
– Become better at doing my own regular radio shows
– Try to DJ out more
– Try to develop Jazzman Records online presence further

And there you have it! Anything I missed? What are your goals for 2015?