I wish I could say that it gets easier with time, but it hurts just as much a year on

Pityu

It’s been a year since you left us and I still can’t think about you without choking up and getting a heavy heart.

Everything about last year was just so shit and your passing somehow ended up being both the worst thing that happened and the turning point for it all.

I’ve never missed you as much as I have this year…

Orsi es Pityu

I don’t think it’s because you haven’t been here, but because I’ve accomplished so many things that I would’ve loved to share with you. They would have made you so happy and so proud and I’m annoyed with myself for not being able to do them whilst you were still with us

We got the keys to the flat two weeks after you passed and I’m sad you weren’t able to see my (fantastic) handy work with doing it up, as well as the finished result (because let’s be honest, I clearly inherited those skills from you).

Marika, Orsi es Pityu

I put my heart and soul into training for that marathon in Copenhagen and even though you I’m sad that you couldn’t see me cross that finish line in person, I know you were there with me in spirit throughout that entire journey.

I did my very best with that final MA project and I know you never really understood what it was all about, but I know you would have been so proud to see me do so good against all the odds. (The one thing that they can never take away from me is my knowledge – right?)

Orsi, Marika es Pityu

I’m so sad that you never got the chance to go to my graduation and to see me dressed up in the gown and hat. I’m sorry I painted my nails black for the occasion, I know you would’ve hated it but I couldn’t resist the temptation of annoying you just a little bit, even if it was just in spirit.

I’m sad and a bit angry that I took our time together for granted and that I didn’t hug you extra tight that last time I saw you. I’ll never forget walking down those stairs in your building and looking up towards your door as you were waving us goodbye. Mum was crying because she insisted that it might be the last time I see you, and I hate that she was right!

Pityu es Orsi

I’m sad that 2014 turned out to be such a life changing year for me and that you weren’t here to experience it.

And I’m sad that you won’t be here to see and experience so many other things in my life that I would have wanted you to be part of.

Marika es Pityu

I wish I could say that it gets easier with time, but it hurts just as much a year on as it did when we went to the hospital and they told us you had passed.

Not a day goes by without me thinking of you and I hope you know that I love and miss you so so much.

Pityu, Marika, Orsi

HAPPY 9 YEAR ANNIVERSARY!

9 years and two days ago I started this blog in order to have a space online where I could share my life with all my friends and family in an easy and accessible way.

9 years ago today I stepped off a plane with Cata and my mum, and moved into this shoebox of a room above in a place that very much resembled a prison/mental hospital just off Caledonian Road in North London.

During these 9 years I have…

Moved 10 times (11 if you count moving country)
Purchased 1 flat
Been awarded 2 degrees
Had 7 jobs
Been made redundant once
Had 9 boyfriends that lasted more than 3 months
3 of those I ended up living with
I have visited about 17 places in the UK (18 if you count Scotland)
And I have been to 17 countries around the world on 4 different continents
I have attended 2 weddings and 1 funeral
I have had 1 close friend getting engaged
And 1 good friend has had a baby
I have probably had around 5-6 breakdowns (give or take)
But most likely had double the triumphs
I have produced and hosted around 85 radio shows on 3 radio stations
Put together around 65 mixes for various purposes
I have completed 7 10Ks, 7 half marathons and 1 full marathon
Joined a gym 3 times but only really meant it once
Had my wallet stolen twice but only lost my keys once
I have blogged at 3-4 other places apart from my own blog
Changed the name of this blog once and the appearance 3 times
Thought about giving up blogging about twice but I could never do it

Overall it has been quite eventful and I should probably throw some sort of party next year when the blog and I celebrate 10 years in London!

 

2 year anniversary of my first race – The Berlin Half Marathon

Two years ago today I embarked on one of my lifes biggest challenges – to run the first ever race of my life.
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I was incredibly nervous and I had no idea what to expect from the race (would I make it!?) and from the first ever Bridge The Gap event that gathered many running crews from around the world to run & party.

My berlin race kit

I did everything by the book, and I had great difficulties going to sleep the night before so I decided to have two nightcaps to calm my nerves. Not sure what it was, but 2 whiskey sours later and they resulted in me accidentally pouring one all over me… Clearly thats not pictured here, but lets just say that I was happy I brought extra running tights with me!

Orsi before the Berlin Half Marathon

I wish I could describe all the thoughts and feelings that were hidden behind that smile. Some are too personal to talk about here, but I remember telling myself that due to my knee issues, I would just run the race with no expectations and try to enjoy it and savour the moment.

Orsii finishing the Berlin Half Marathon
I know I have posted that picture a million times on the blog, but there’s been very few moments in my life where Ive been so genuinely proud of myself and what Ive accomplished.

My first ever run

That’s the first run I ever made. I thought I was going to cough up my lungs and the thought of running 13.1 miles seemed impossible. But I did my best, put in the training and despite injury and self doubts, I completed it! And looking back on all the pictures, I looked really good whilst doing it too! (Im jealous of my past self…!)

IMG_4436

These were the total miles that I had run on the exact day of the 2 year anniversary of the race (which was a few days before the actual anniversary this year). If you’re counting in KM that is the same as 1448,7 KM! In March alone this year I did 115 miles (that’s 185KM) which is more than double of what I used to run per month in the past 2 years!

So all in all, it’s pretty damn incredible! Especially if you think about the fact that  Im not “built to run” –  it takes me a lot of effort to do it – just look at my first ever run and how slow I was!

Orsii 15 miles!

I’ve been a bit sad and disappointed about the fact that Im still around a stone and a half heavier this far into my training, compared to my weight 2 years ago – despite running double the amount. But when it really gets me down and I feel super insecure, I try to look at how far I’ve come and not lose faith in the fact that I can achieve anything if I put my mind to. Whether that is a degree, or running a marathon, or losing weight and getting leaner.

So thanks to everybody who have helped, supported and inspired me along the way. With only 6 weeks left to both my marathon and my final MA deadline, Im starting to feel the heat, but Im really trying to keep my cool and focus on my journey and how far I’ve come since that first run on the 10th December 2012.

I never thought or dreamed about running a marathon in my life, and with the miles still increasing in my training plan, I think it’s safe to say that the journey to race day has so far been much more challenging on both my body and mind than the actual race day. Mind you, that might change once I actually have to run the damn thing!