HELLO MY FRIENDS!

Yes it has been absolutely mental on this end for the past 10 days! I have been desperately trying to catch up with life post-flu madness and honestly speaking, I got fed up with being locked up in the flat on my own and just training & working all the time with no social life what so ever.

I promise a longer post will come this weekend because I do have a lot to talk about!

But I figured I could share some pictures from the past 7-10 days in the mean time to keep you entertained and to show that I haven’t forgotten about you all!

Sending lots of loving!

I got a package filled with love and food from my Mama <3

Drinking wine & gossiping with my BFF Cata

Falling asleep at a disco for 3½ hours & waking up with a big "I AM OK" tattoo

Going for a 8.5 mile 'Hangover Run' by the canal

Soaking up the sun with my little Tiger Rhalou <3

Eating healthy & yummy food

Getting up & training HARD at stupid o'clock in the morning

Getting my face done for a photo shoot

Best.Day.Ever. hanging out with my inspirational & gorgeous mentors Bangs & Candice

Getting my hair did-done for the photo shoot

Looking a bit like a tired 80s tranny with my hair down

Hanging in there, training HARD & with style

Hello my friends!

My new Little Miss Sunshiine show is up on mixcloud and I just have to say that I have the most amazing listeners in the world! I know I might say it a lot, but with every show that I do, you guys just melt my heart a little bit more and blow me away with your support.

The majority of you are so encouraging and nice, it genuinely makes me feel so happy and proud to have such great people tuning in. You make it worth working so hard and pushing myself to become better (not just music wise but in general too!).

So big up yourselves and lots of love to you!

Spent most of this afternoon crying. I promised my mum to stop posting pictures like this because they make her cry too – sorry mum!

I feel like a broken record when it comes to my knees so I won’t go on about it after this post because even I think it’s starting to become boring.

I’m just extremely sad and disappointed at the moment.

I feel like I fucked up and its very frustrating to know that I gave so much and tried so hard, only to be told that it was too much too soon and to just rest and do nothing for a while.

As stupid as it might sound, after having done nothing for so many years, I am just… scared.

I am scared that my body will forget about all the hard work I have been putting in these past 5 weeks.

I am scared that I will lose my motivation and drive to do this half marathon.

I am scared that I wont complete the Team Bangs journey if I make a quick stop and rest.

I am scared that resting will make me feel like a failure and destroy all the good things that have been happening to my confidence lately.

I am scared that this whole ‘knee thing’ will stop me from pushing myself and going harder and further in the future.

I am actually more than just scared – I am terrified – despite it sounding ridiculous.

And I know I probably shouldn’t beat myself up about it so much. But I can’t help it. This is the way I am and I don’t really know how to be anything else.

It angers, and frustrates, and saddens me when I want to do and give something my all and I can’t.

But as promised, I will rest for a week and do my best not to get too negative about it.

Unfortunately I have a feeling the latter is much easier said than done…