Would you like me more if I was skinny?

It might seem like a weird question to ask, but:

WOULD YOU LIKE ME MORE IF I WAS SKINNY?

Why am I asking? Well, I have been thinking about this whole “skinny vs fat” thing for a while. Reasons for this being many, but mainly because we are approaching 2010 and I realised this week that I have been in a constant “battle” with my weight for almost 10 years now. I wouldn’t say that I have a low self-esteem, however, when it comes to my appearance, I would say I have around zero confidence.

This zero confidence in the way I look is rooted in many things, but what made me think about and analyse these past 10 years was my mothers suggestion to get liposuction over the holidays to boost my confidence and motivate me to lose weight (and I am sorry mum for sharing this, but I felt like I had to get this all off my chest).

When my mum suggested this, I wasn’t quite sure how to respond or take it. Was I meant to get offended? Was I meant to get happy? I had very mixed feelings if I am honest, but I do know she suggested it because she loves me, and she wants me to be happy, and even more so, be happy with myself.

If I look back, I have been on almost every single diet there is, my parents suggested that I join weight watchers when I was 15 years old, which I did. Although losing all that weight might have been a confidence boost, I don’t think it really made me happy. I mean, I personally feel like there has always been too much focus from my family’s side (and our family friends) on my weight and how I look. Even if I now somehow can appreciate the fact that all those diets I was “recommended” to go on, and all those remarks & comments about my weight and my looks, were made out of love, I don’t think anybody ever realised the massive negative impact it had on me, and my perception of myself and how I look.

Then I moved to England, and safe to say, people weren’t as attractive here as in Sweden (no offence but its true!). I started feeling a bit better about myself, but it always stressed me out when I had to travel home, as I knew in advance that the first main focus from my family would be “have you lost or gained weight!?”.

I haven’t been home in Sweden since April this year, and now that my trip back is getting closer, I can feel how I am slowly starting to freak out a bit about what people will say and think about me. And it is so stupid…

I mean, this is not me trying say “its right or wrong to be skinny or fat”, this is just a personal reflection on a subject that has been one of the main focuses during most of my life. And the reason I have decided to bring it up (trust me, it took me a lot of guts to talk about this…) is because I don’t want to spend the next 10 years of my life being obsessed with my weight.

From a health perspective, it might be sensible for me to lose a couple of pounds. And yes, people might find me slightly more attractive if I lost weight (although I am not too sure about it), clothes might fit a bit nicer, hmmm what else? Apart from the health aspect, I can’t think of any other valid reasons.

Would it make me happier? I guess I won’t know until I try. But yet again, I doubt it.

So that is why I am asking you the question. Because I am not convinced that it matters so much in the end. And if it doesn’t, then why the hell have I been wasting my time obsessing about it, feeling bad and guilty about it? Why on earth have I made such a fucking big fuss about it?…

  • Like you more ? That’s possible ? :-D

    December 11, 2009
  • Dje Scob
    REPLY

    O_o’ !! Absolutely not ! You are one of the most charming girl that I ever meet !! And I don t say that to be nice , but only because it s true !

    After that the main thing is YOU ! To be “free” and happy with yourself , and don t judge yourself by what the other said ! But only look a yourself , and do you really feel bad ? Or you feel bad ’cause the other ? The main thing is to forget the other and lives for yourself and ONLY for yourself . So if you do a introspection , and you realize you are not good like that , so perhaps go to the diet if not is not necessary ! ( Trust me , really not necessary :) )

    The others likes you by what you show , not what you look like ! If you are skinny and sad , is 100 times worse than to be happy with a charming roundness !

    Hope to be understandable !

    XXX

    Jerome

    December 6, 2009
  • NEJ!

    December 6, 2009
  • orsi!

    så jävla starkt av dig att skriva ett sånt här inlägg. jag känner igen mig i en del av det du skriver och fattar därmed hur jobbigt det är att outa det för internet.

    jag skulle inte tycka om dig mer om du var smalare eller tjockare eller satt i rullstol för det spelar ingen roll. det. spelar. ingen. roll.

    kram!

    December 5, 2009
  • Hej babe. Vi snackade ju om detta haromdan :) Hela grejen med ett nytt decennium, nya l mal i livet och en ny start har jag ocksa tankt pa ratt sa mycket. Personligen skulle jag inte alska dig mer om du gick ner i vikt for jag tror inte att det ar mojligt att alska dig mer an vad jag redan gor. Som en av dina basta vanner kan jag daremot saga att vad du an gor sa gor det bara om du tror att en lyckligare Orsi kommer ut pa andra sidan. Och jag vet precis hur du kanner, min familj ar exakt likadan och varje gang jag traffar min mamma, mina mostrar och aker ner till Thailand sa ar det alltid ” det ser ut som att du gatt upp i vikt” (vilket jag antar att jag har)

    Men ett nytt artionde ar val en bra borjan och jag tankte sjalv att det kanske ar dags att ta tag i livet och borja leva lite nyttigare, for framtidens skull :)

    Kom bara ihag att dina vanner alskar dig ovasett och glom inte att alska dig sjalv ocksa :)

    Puss

    December 5, 2009
  • Plastic surgery scares me.
    If you think it will make you feel better about yourself then go for it.
    I might point out, however, that it’s silly to listen to other peoples opinions – and to think that there are these pressures or standards put forth by society in general…. No sir, I don’t like it.
    In concluding, I like cream cakes. I do not like knives.

    December 5, 2009
  • No, Orsi, I’m sure you can find the answer deep down about what u want to do. Forget about what others are saying either way! But we love you the most when you are simply happy with yourself <3

    December 5, 2009
  • Paul
    REPLY

    As long as you’re happy, it doesn’t matter what other peoples’ opinions are. If people criticise, they tend to just be jealous or a bit insecure of themselves. Thats not to say that is wrong either because I think at times we are all secretly (or openly) jealous of others looks / jobs / status / possessions whatever. Basically, go and have a cream cake. It wont kill you and it might make you a bit happier. Sorry for such a crap answer x

    December 5, 2009
  • mymanhenri
    REPLY

    Not sure where to start outside of sending you a massive hug! Do what you need to do *to be healthy* for yourself. But don’t think that a skinny frame is it. I can go on and on about this, but I’ll just say: Just be healthy. And we <3 healthy women on my side of the world. (longer story). But it’s he££! ;)

    December 5, 2009
  • Nope.

    December 5, 2009
  • I had a huge spiel then accidentally deleted it!!!!! Skinny girls are too skinny, I like a girl who’s comfortable in their own skin- those sort of people are wonderful to be around and seem to radiate compassion and happiness and don’t take things out on others and have a tendency to develop their brains and healthy interesting passions. Don’t ever change, physically or mentally unless it’s a change that makes you genuinely healthy and happy!! xxXX

    December 5, 2009

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