Good morning my friends,
I hope you’ve had a nice weekend so far. Mine was a bit hectic, and everything that could go wrong went wrong. But at least I managed to convince my old estate agents to finally give me my deposit back, so I’ll be able to buy food again, yaaay!
As I was making some pasta with cheese last night I had the strangest feeling hitting me. You know when you were a kid, you’d sometimes imagine what your life would be like as a grown up, and usually, reality is nothing like the image you once had. And this feeling of “wow, this is actually my life” hit me last night which felt a bit strange.
I mean, during my years at university my reason for being in london was simply that, to attend uni. Now, 1 year & 4 months later, I’m finding myself in a nice little house in a residental area, a full time job where I get up 6:30am every day and arrive home around 7:30pm if I’m lucky. I spend time sitting in the kitchen with all the bills on the table, trying to make up monthly food & travel budgets, hoping there will be some money left for other things. I clean, I wash, I’m even planning future dinner parties in my head and what to buy my mother for Christmas. And I can’t help to wonder what happened… So many of my friends have gone traveling, explored the world & explored themselves, whilst I went straight to uni and after straight to start working… And I’m starting to question if this was the right thing to do.
I sat in the garden last night and had a little ponder about my life (yes, again…) what if I would just give all this up? Not the working part, but the blogging and music part. I mean, am I really making a difference? Not really. There are plenty of other people out there who do it much better than me, and it would be rather easy to replace me with somebody/something else, seeing as the selection is endless on the world wide web. So why not just become an ordinary Joe, who goes to work, goes for a couple of after work drinks, comes home and watch crappy telly whilst having a curry or some shepards pie, complain about the weather and my football teams position in the league, date some city boy who wears a suite for work, pretend that I give a fuck about if I drink Merlot or Shiraz, maybe even buy the latest coldplay album for extra torture, and maybe somewhere between all this he’d pop the question, I’d say yes because quite frankly, I’m not getting any younger, and he does have good manners plus a good respectable job… Our wedding would be average and his best man would most likely reveal that my now husband used to wear girls underwear from time to time for a giggle. We’d get a house in Surrey, I’d pop out two or three kids, we’d visit his patents every weekend and probably name our first born son after his great great grandfather. I’d take up gardening and all I would be dreaming of is to buy those matching curtains for the dining room as it would go well with our nice china and the colour of the walls. My dreams of working with music would be long lost and my main concerns would be to get my children in to the right schools and make sure they get a proper education.
Hm… Or maybe the life I live isn’t too bad after all.
September 20th, 2009 at 6:55 pm
as ever, a great post. personal and applicable to many of us doing the do (except for the popping out babies bit).
love these posts and all else that comes from u.
like would feel somewhat emptier if u were to move to surrey.
xc
September 20th, 2009 at 7:12 pm
i reckon if i ate red meat shepherds pie would be my first port of call.
i’ve actually been considering jacking in music for a city job but only if i can find a suit which matches my curtains
September 20th, 2009 at 11:48 pm
you’ve just answered your question dear!
don’t regret not doing things everyone else did when you moved to london, you made a huge step in your life and seems like it was really a right thing to do.
just wanted to let you know that it wouldn’t be the same if you gave up on all this (although I know you won’t) because you stand out.
writing about your personal things and emotions is good for you to let it out and it’s not an easy thing to do, so be proud of yourself. reading your blogs reminds me to be more honest with myself.
one step at a time xxx
September 21st, 2009 at 9:17 pm
i have only met you once (however probably at one of the best occasions possible–> concert of my favourite singer josé james, eska in support at the roundhouse + aftershow drink) and have been enjoying your blog ever since. from the picture i have, although mainly via www, i´m pretty sure you would feel pretty empty giving up your passion for music. looking at my life i have observed the first thought tendency for desire of things that i don’t have, some of them matching yours i think (again only limited www impression). i like the last sentence of your post.
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