I have a piercing headache, still haven’t managed to shake it off. Don’t know what’s going on. What I do know is that I am meant to go and see Bullion tonight, but the question is if I can manage it. My stomach started hurting uncontrollably this afternoon. Had a bit of an accident as well. I know I know, I should go and see a doctor… I just can’t bring myself to do it, for many reasons. Some people don’t understand why I am taking so long, and yes they have a fair point. All I have to say is that I am doing something about it, or at least trying. And if that doesn’t work, I’ll go to the doctor. It just… I don’t know, a bit difficult to explain. Although I reckon I’ll be much better once the sun comes out a bit more. Or not even the sun, but a bit more daylight. I’m tired of living in this constant darkness. Or maybe it is just my own personal darkness. Either way, I can’t wait to get away. Everything feels a bit fucked up at the moment. It’s like my head is spinning in a million different directions. Need to learn how to shut things out. Not take things too personally. Perhaps expect less from people. I have this constant battle inside of me where on one side I want to shut everybody out and be left alone, and on the other side I am dying for some company and hate the fact that I feel so utterly lonely most of the time. I guess you got to give in order to receive. I am just fed up with giving so much, and never really getting anything in return. Maybe I am just a greedy, ungrateful bastard, who is incapable of appreciating what she has and always want what she cant have. You tell me…

Tagged: on Thursday, March 5, 2009 · 2 Comments »