the past 30 odd hours have been some kind of a haze, like i have been trapped in a horrible nightmare, not being able to wake up no matter how hard i have tried.
it’s weird how these things happen, love, heartache, heartbreak… especially when you look at it from a slightly different perspective:
it took me about 8 hours to get intrigued by him,
and 2 months of his company to fall head over heels for him.
i travelled about 463 km for us to have our first kiss,
and it took him 2160 minutes to ask me to be his girlfriend.
i needed 89 days until i fully trusted him and let him in,
he needed 1 sentence to completely break my heart.
“I dont think we are going to work at the moment, i like you but, i dont give you what you need… i dont make you happy, whether its the distance or just me.. and i dont know when we will be in the same city”
i pretty much cried non-stop for about 10 hours after he uttered it. every single word was like a dagger through my heart, (and they still are), leaving me weak and shaken. like something had sucked all the life out of me, and i was left cold and breathless.
i wanted to scream at the top of my lungs. how could he do this? a man that i trusted, a man that i had tried to help and support in every situation, a man that i had given so much of myself to, a man that wasn’t only supposed to be my partner but also my friend, a person i could rely on when i needed. how could he turn around and without a warning, simply dismiss me like i was some piece of garbage off the street, not worth fighting for, not even worth making an effort for.
i felt like such an idiot and such a fool. an idiot for thinking he was different and a fool for thinking he’d never put me through something like this. once again i was wrong. and once again my heart was ripped out of my chest and smashed into a million pieces.
people wonder why i have such a low self-esteem, i would say it is mostly due to situations like these. situations where i let people in, care about them and trust them, only for them to turn around and completely crush me by making me feel so utterly insignificant and absolutely worthless.
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