Hello my friends,
I hope you are good this somewhat grey Saturday. I have had a pretty long and exhausting week. Been feeling rather down and confused about things that are going on. Kind of messed up at work at the beginning of the week which made me feel rather horrible, like I let myself, my team, my boss and my client down. It wasn’t really THAT big of a deal and it has all been sorted now and the client seems happy, but unfortunately, the way I am, I can do 100 good things and 1 bad thing, and I will still feel shit just because of that one thing I fucked up on, no matter how well I have performed in regards to other tasks…

Other than that I have been a bit torn in regards to all the things I do in my spare time, mainly when it comes to music. I felt a bit used and disappointed this week, not to mention stupid and overly naive. Im not going to lie, I really felt like giving up on it all this week. It has been a very difficult start of the year for me, and some of the people I hoped would be there for me wasn’t. Usually when I go through difficult times, music has always been the one thing I have felt I could turn to, and to a certain extent, that is still true. However, lately I have felt like I do all this music related work for nothing. I work my ass off, but for what? I got through the invoice/notification of renewing this blog and I almost decided to close it down. However, after some consideration and inner battles, I came to the conclusion to keep it.

At the end of the day, I am not a quitter, and I have worked and sacrificed too much to give up on it now. And to be honest, when it comes down to it, I do enjoy doing it so much because I get the chance to help and promote talented artists/friends that I respect and look up to. Unfortunately, that kick of knowing you helped a person getting closer to his/her/their goal is sometimes not enough to feel satisfied and happy with yourself and your place in life. Especially when you realise that you are basically alone due to the fact that you neglected too many friends and opportunities along the way.

So yes, still slightly torn about things, but I am hoping it will all work in the end.

Tagged: on Saturday, January 23, 2010 ·