Little Miss Sunshiine #34 by Laid Back on Mixcloud

These three videos below from last nights Run Dem Crew session featuring Shameek, Nathaniel and Candice basically sum up it all up.

If you do one thing today, please spare 15 minutes of your time to watch them and spread the word.

Why? Because they truly capture a unique and beautiful sense of love, friendship, support, community and family.

Thinking about mile 21 still makes the hair on my neck raise itself.

I will cherish and nurture the experience from mile 21 for the rest of my life and I will return to that special place on my darkest of days.

A big thank you to the RDC founder Charlie Dark for his continues inspiration.

You and this amazing movement/crew you have created helps many of us to get up every day and try to be the very best that we can be.

And on the days we feel like we don’t have the strength to carry on, I know that at least I will look at these three videos below and travel back in time to mile 21 where dreams really come true and nothing is impossible.

AWAY AWAY AWAY!

SHAMEEK:

NATHANIEL:

CANDICE:

Yesterday was the London Marathon and I went out with my running family Run Dem Crew to support the brave souls in our crew who were running it.

Taking over an entire area on Commercial Road just leading up to the mile 21 marker, the supporting squad was on fire yesterday and the whole experience was overwhelming to say the least.

I have to admit that even though I couldn’t wait to see & cheer on every single person from my crew, I was mostly excited about cheering on my fellow runner, friend and officially new hero – Candice.

Picture by Christiana

And just so we are clear, my list of heroes is very small, up until now it literally only consisted of 3 people: my mum, my grandma and Bangs.

We had heard that her knee had given up and that she might be in an ambulance, but that she was determined to struggle on. Natalie had waited for her at her water station and was going to help her reach mile 21 from mile 16.

Now this might not sound like a big deal to you, but let me tell you, I ran 13.1 miles and even though I wasn’t feeling like I was on my death bed when I crossed the finish line – I would NOT have been able to run any further.

So to think that  13.1 miles would only have covered HALF THE DISTANCE is insane and that is why I salute every single person who completed the marathon yesterday.

However, for Candice it wasn’t just about the distance or being tired, it was literally the incredible amount of pain she must have been in.

Let’s be honest, most of us would have given up in that situation, come up with some excuse and told ourselves that there will be a next time - but she didn’t, Candice soldiered on and that in itself is a victory that no words can give enough justice to.

She overcame every single barrier yesterday – physical, mental, emotional and she DID DA GODDAMN THING!

And that is why she is an inspiration. That is why I feel blessed to have met her. That is why I look up to her and think she is an incredible young woman who can move a mountain with sheer determination and will power.

That is why I consider her as one my personal heroes.

She didn’t stop and she didn’t give up. She has showed me that literally ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE with hard work, determination and a good support team.

Picture by Jamie

And the love each and every one of us felt for her when we finally spotted her reaching our zone is quite simply beyond anything I can describe in words.

If you want to know what Run Dem Crew is all about you should have been there yesterday, because in that moment when Candice showed up, both she & the crew showed exactly what it’s all about in my opinion.

I feel so thankful to have been there and I feel so blessed to be part of it all.

So much love to Candice and all the others who DID DA TING yesterday! Rock that medal with pride, it was an honour cheering you on!

And a big thank you to Charlie Dark – this would not be possible if it wasn’t for you.

It’s Friday so let’s celebrate with another photo bomb that you can feast your pretty eyes on!

This time it’s pictures that were taken with my disposable cameras during my Berlin trip with Run Dem Crew.

Click on the thumbnails to see full images sizes and if you want more then make sure you have a look at the full set of pictures over on the Orsii Facebook Page.

If you pick up the May 2012 issue of ZEST magazine this month you will not only find a pretty dope running guide/feature, BUT, you will also catch some pretty lush snaps of Candice, Bangs and myself in it!

Some of you have been getting in touch and asking me if I have any tips about how to start training, well, now you have an even better excuse to pick up the latest issue since it covers everything from training plans for every level, how to keep yourself motivated, as well as different types of gear etc.

Or you can just get it for the amazing images of us girls, they make me smile for days!

So a week ago today I completed the most difficult physical challenge of my life – I ran a half marathon in 2 hours and 9 minutes.

Celebrating with my new bling & bubbly

I did it as part of Team Bangs On The Run but I went to Berlin with my much bigger running family, Run Dem Crew.

Bangs and Charlie - photo by RDCbridgethegap

Before I go any further I have to say thank you to Mama & Papa Running, Bangs & Charlie, for changing and improving my life for ever. I know I have said it before but I will probably never stop saying it. You two not only helped me achieve something I didn’t even think was possible in my wildest dreams, but you also helped me achieve and aim for dreams I didn’t even know I had. I don’t know if I will ever be able to give back the incredible gifts you both have given me, but I hope I can pass on some of them and help inspire and motivate other people the way you have inspired and motivated me.

Run Dem Crew Berlin - photo by TheMrWyatt

I feel like I could write 5 different posts about this half marathon journey because there are so many things I would like to share/cover. Not just the actual Berlin journey that includes pre & post race madness, but my inner journey, my physical and emotional journey these past 12 weeks and beyond, as well as the journey of friendships – some that kind of failed/broke and some that truly blossomed.

Teams Bangs On The Run 3 Post Berlin Half Marathon - photo by Bangs and A Bun

Not sure how much I can fit in, but let’s start with my Team Bangs girls who I simply would not have been able to complete this half marathon without:

Rhalou, Sarah Mei, Bangs, Rachel, Dani & Christiana (and Sarah Graham + the lovely Mia who sadly missed out) – thank you all so much for everything! You gave me the strength and motivation to get up at the crack of dawn almost every goddamn morning for 12 weeks to either go running or get my ass to boot camp. I am so grateful to have met you all, my life has been enriched in so many different ways thanks to you. I will always cherish the day Bangs sent out the tweet looking for a female DJ and me randomly seeing it retweeted by Charlie and getting in touch. I didn’t realise it at the time, but it was a life changing moment that led me down an unpredictable path and I am so happy to have shared some of it with you. You are all incredible young women and I am so proud of how far we all have come, individually and together since January.

My 11 year journey that only really started 12 weeks ago

See that 14 year old fat girl to the left? I ran those 13.1 miles/21km for her.
And for anybody who has ever been like her, felt like her, who is like her now and think that things can’t change, that they can’t be different – they can!

I have never really felt pretty, or smart, or funny, or sexy or anything that would make me “special”. I mean, I have tried and I have gotten pretty damn good at acting like I feel like I am all those things, but deep down inside, I’ve never 100% felt any of those things until recently…

It is a very overwhelming feeling to be able to look in the mirror and not feel like hiding away from myself and the world. Running has really helped me improve my confidence, not to mention my appearance, and even though I have a long way to go, I never thought I’d even come this far if I am honest…

My first run VS crossing the finish line in 2 hours 9 min

Looking back on these 12 weeks it’s funny to see how I have gone through exactly the ups & downs both Bangs and Charlie said I would… And it’s funny because I stupidly and arrogantly assumed I wouldn’t be “one of those” who would – when I probably was the best example of everything they were telling me about.

I have learned so much about myself these past few months – both good and bad things. Some things have been surprises, other things have been very embarrassing, but all of them have made me more aware of who I am, who I want to be and who I might have the potential to become.

So thank you all for joining me on this 12 week journey, it meant so much to have your support.

I would love to name every single person who has inspired, motivated and helped me get through this, but there’s too many of you and not enough time/space/mental capacity to mention you all!

But you know who you are, it would literally be everybody at Run Dem Crew. You welcomed me with open arms and I can’t imagine my life without you now. You all showed me support throughout my ups and downs and acted like the family/community I always wished I had and now feel so proud to be part of.

However…I do want to give special mentions to a few people who I literally would not have survived without:

Paul, Candice, Glenn, Shameek, Phil, Chaka and once again, Bangs, Charlie, Sarah Mei and Rhalou:

Thank you for believing in me, thank you for pushing me, thank you for giving me verbal slaps when I needed them and hugs & tissues when I needed them instead. Thank you for making me laugh, for making me feel part of the family, for being amazing mentors, friends and supporters, for being inspirational and motivational, but most of all – thank you for not giving up on me when I was ready to give up on myself.

I hope the Berlin Half Marathon was just the beginning of an even greater adventure, one that will last my entire life.

AWAY AWAY AWAY!

So in less than three days I will be running the Berlin Half Marathon! This has definitely been one of the biggest and most interesting, exhausting, amazing and difficult experiences and journeys of my life!

You can listen to my latest Little Miss Sunshiine show where I talk about all the ups and downs from the past 12 weeks that have all eventually paved the way to this one big day/weekend.

Before I jet off to Berlin though I wanted to share some last minute pictures that includes my first ever 10.5 miles that I ran on my own, essential running fuel for the body, my feel-good outfits, random silliness, early mornings, spring & sunshine and so on.

You can all expect a full and very emotional review when I am back.

Or basically, when I am in Sweden, since I will be jetting straight there after Berlin.

Sorry, I am finding it difficult to find the right words to express how excited and scared I am.

But I can’t wait to DO DA TING with our outernational crews from NYC, Tokyo, Amsterdam, Copenhagen, Paris and to FINALLY get to meet certain people and (hopefully) have one of the most amazing and memorable weekends of my life!

So wish me good luck and see you on the other side!

AWAY AWAY AWAY!

Little Miss Sunshiine #33 by Laid Back on Mixcloud

I’m not having the best of evenings today, or to be fair, the best of weeks.

Everything that possibly could go wrong at the moment pretty much has.

I’ve been mad busy at work – not only with massive projects that keep getting delayed (and costing £££), but also because my boss is away this week, both things which are really stressing me out.

I still haven’t been able to catch up with ANYTHING when it comes to my uni work, despite having tried my best… It’s like my brain switches off after 10-11 hours of sitting by the computer and refuses to take in any more information.

I was hoping that at least running would give me some kind of boost or that it would revive me so I could sit down and get some stuff done tonight.

But no, I might have felt like the queen of the world on Sunday / Monday, however it’s pretty safe to say Im not any more.

Because I haven’t been able to keep up with the training plan properly due to injuries and being ill, I really felt like I had to get my 5 miles in tonight, especially since I don’t have that many runs left before Berlin. And after having done 12.5 miles with Candice I really thought I had cracked it, that after Sunday I could actually count myself as a runner and not just a pretend one that I have been feeling like at times.

I didn’t want to go out tonight due to my stomach being bloated, but since running has helped getting rid of the pain in the past, I figured I could easily do 5 miles and come back refreshed & painless. Most people I know seem to be running all sorts of crazy miles with ease and speed, so surely I should be able to do 5 miles with ease even if I don’t have the speed.

Wrong!

I remember the feeling I had when I did my first ever run and came to 1 mile and was so out of breath that I panicked because I didnt think I would be able to get oxygen down me ever again. That was the feeling I had about 6-7 times tonight, plus the pain in my leg and hand from my fall at RDC on Tuesday.

I know people say that you have bad runs, and yes that is true, but surely if one has trained enough and is fit enough, what happened to me tonight should not happen, especially not for a distance like 5 miles?! (that is meant to be my “short run” at this point of my training plan).

With 9 days to go until I have to do 13.1 miles this was not what I wanted or expected to feel.

On Sunday I felt like a runner, tonight I feel like a fake again and it sucks.

And yes it is just as much about the journey as it is about crossing the finish line.

And yes I am probably being too hard on myself, one bad run yeah?

Probably, hopefully (!!), but that doesnt change the way I feel.

I am gutted. I am gutted because I thought I was over this whole phase of feeling shit & disappointed and feeling like I can’t run.

I have spent and sacrificed so much of my time on training / running, time that I could have spent on so many other things, like my MA, my loved ones, my work, my DJing and so on.

And whilst I appreciate and cherish all the amazing things that this journey has given me, I feel like I am back on square one and I don’t even know how I ended up here! It doesn’t make any sense.

I really hope it’s just a bad run and that I can shake off these feelings of doubt and not being good enough – it shouldn’t be hitting me this hard by now!

Actually no – I kind of feel like it shouldn’t be hitting me at all by this point, I should be over it.

Normally being me I would say to try harder, but at this point I really feel like I have given this everything I have plus more.

Maybe I’m just scared. Or maybe it’s just nerves. Or maybe I’m just exhausted.

Or maybe I just need to shut up.