Morning my friends!
I cant stop laughing at the image above, hahahahahaha, thats me! I look like a man. Should go well with my mustache… no wonder people think Im a bloke ;) Oh well, I might be really childish for thinking thats funny, but I dont care. A little laughter never hurt anybody haha. Hope you’re having a great weekend! I’m working on that music thing I asked you about a few days ago. Hopefully up tomorrow, just trying to figure out the best way to present it all. Im really late for a meeting so I need to stop with the silliness and get ready. Speak later, have a nice Saturday! x

Just got recommended this lovely little beat tape. Im feeling it, has some nice summer vibes to it, prefect for my evening outdoor working. Wish I had a cassette player… However, the digital download is for free, so cop it now!

I hope you have had a nice day. I am typing this from the bus on my way home. It’s been a long day and I can’t wait to get home to an empty house, put on some comfy clothes, have a glass of wine, curl up on one of the massive sofas in the lounge, and start putting together next weeks radio show.

It’s been a very hectic and stressful 1,5 month with a lot of things happening, and I think all the madness is slowly catching up with me.

As you might know I was ill a couple of weeks ago, and even though I’m not throwing up anymore, I think my stomach is suffering from all the unintential stress that I seem to be putting it through. I think I need to go back to the doctor and make sure they take a lot more tests because I don’t know how much longer I can carry on with this.

The people who know me and those of you who have been following the blog know that I have some kind of weird illness with my stomach, an illness that I’ve had since I was very young, and an illness that doctors haven’t been able to diagnose for over 15 years now…

If I’m honest with you, I’m just tired. I’m tired of almost always being in pain, of being bloated, of going up & down in weight, of all these mood swings and depressions and various mental tricks this illness is playing on my mind.

I’m starting to think that I’m having a split personality caused by all this. The happy, smiley, confident Orsi who enjoys life, and the sad, insecure, depressed Orsi who just wants to hide from the world because she doesn’t think she is good enough, not pretty enough, not smart enough, the list can be made endless.

And it makes me so angry because I don’t want to be like the latter one. I don’t want to wake up every morning and hate the person that is looking back at me in the mirror. But unfortunitely this person appears at least twice a year, and I feel so powerless since I can’t control her and I can’t prepare myself for her return, it just happens from one day to another.

Or maybe I’m just fooling myself, maybe it has nothing to do with my stomach, maybe it’s all in my head… I don’t know.

But what I do know is that this journey is taking way too long, and I might burst into tears any second, so I better put my phone away and just focus on the music playing in my headphones.

Sorry for the random rant and for being in a weird mood. Tomorrow is a new day, that hopefully will be better. Much love! x

I apologise for the lack up posts this week, but I was very ill most of the week and simply didn’t have the energy to write. But now another Saturday has almost passed by, and I have been doing a lot of thinking. Not just today, but as always, when I am locked inside with only my thoughts to keep me company, like I have been this week, my head goes into overload and starts analysing everything. Since I can’t seem to be able shake some of these feelings and thoughts, I figured I would write them down. Who knows,  you might have some advice or comments…

The past 4 days I have been thinking a lot about myself, my life, what I want to do, what I have to do, what I want from life, and maybe most importantly, what I want and expect from myself.

I’m going to lie, I am scared of so many things. I am scared of never finding true love, of ending up alone, of not being able to live my life to the fullest, of sacrificing things I love for things I think I “have to do” or simply just prioritising things wrong. I am scared of failing, of letting people down, but most of all, of letting myself down. (We all know I am my own worst critic) Some people might see this as a weakness, the fact that I am scared, I personally see it as a strength. Maybe not the being scared part, but the fact that I acknowledge that I am, and that I actively try to find the courage inside of me to at least try to change the things in my life that I am not happy with.

I realised two things this week. One, so many people out there are scared shitless of being themselves because they are afraid of how people will react, and as a consequence, being judged. Two, many people out there are scared shitless of following their hearts and doing the things they love, simply because if they fail, what will they have left?

My mum called me to cheer me up on Wednesday night, and she was telling me once again that she thinks I should move back home to Sweden as my life would be so much easier and I would be closer to my family. Some how this discussion lead on to the subject of music, and I was telling her about all the amazing things that have been happening the past few months, and that I can’t leave because I feel it in my heart that this is the place where I have to and want to be. I asked her if she could imagine me without music in my life, and she started laughing and told me that even as a three year old I knew over 100 songs and nursery rhymes by heart, and that I used to break out in song to random people. She said that I wouldn’t be me without music, and I agree.

Somehow I think that is one of the main reasons why I might seem and/or feel different from so many people out there. Just like I have never been able to deny the fact that music is a part of me, I have never been able to deny me, the person who I am. No matter how scared I am or have been, I have always tried to follow my heart, tried to be true to myself and the person I am. I have been through some very low periods and some very high periods in my life, and yes, from time to time I have lost hope, but I have never stopped believing. And I think that is a very crucial thing in life, to believe, but maybe most importantly, to believe in yourself.

So what is my point with all this? Well, this week it kind of hit me that no matter how insecure I feel/have felt from time to time, no matter how scared I am/have been, no matter how sad or lonely I feel/have felt from time to time, I’ve never really stopped believing in the fact that I was meant to do what ever I am doing. And the fact that I believe makes me not only stronger, but it gives me the strength to carry on.

A lot of people tend to forget that I moved to London almost 4 years ago now, knowing virtually nobody. I came here because I was following a dream and a heart that kept screaming London was were I had to be. I could have stayed in Sweden, lived at home, gotten a free university degree, saved a LOT of money, and lived a fairly easy and care free life. But I didn’t. Don’t get me wrong, I probably never would have made it this far without the amazing support and help from friends and family. But what I am saying is that at 19, I had the courage to leave my entire life behind me to do something I had dreamt of doing since I was a little girl.

And it makes me sad that so many people deny themselves their chance of doing what they want to do. Just as much as it makes me sad when I see or hear about people denying themselves, as in, who they are, because they are afraid of being rejected or judged by others. I would say that the people who reject or judge people for shallow things are the kind of people who are mostly insecure with themselves, and being judgemental towards others is a way for them to make themselves feel better. Although I might be wrong…

Maybe I am just naive or maybe it’s all in my head, but I feel like there’s not enough people who talk about these things. They don’t talk about their fears, their weaknesses. I am aware of the fact that it might not be something you casually bring up in the company of people you don’t not know very well, and yes, there are a lot of things that I don’t share with people. But still, does it make me a ‘weak’ person because I feel all these things? In my opinion, it makes me human… and at the end of the day, that’s what we all are. I guess one of the main differences between people is that no matter how shit or amazing life is, the majority of us seem to go to bed at night wishing we have done things differently, whilst a very little group of us go to bed being thankful for having the courage to follow our heart.

This made me giggle. Think I need to email Mr Hawthorne…

So… what can I say apart from the fact that I truly felt like home tonight. But that might be a big leap to the conclusion of this night, so lets wind it back a bit.

Some of you might now what the CDR nights at Plastic People are about, some of you might not. In the words of the burnt progress crew, it is a “night of ideas and tracks in the making mixed from recordable CD’s and other digital media”. You can catch CDR every second Thursday of the month at Plastic People, and it is a night open for all (small & big) producers and music/beat makers who come down and just play their new/old finished/in the making productions. CDR Knowledge was an event that took this concept one step further, inviting some of these producers and music makers to talk about how they make music and sharing their little tips and tricks with the rest of us.

In my own opinion, this evenings event was about many things. First of all it featured 3 amazing producers and beat makers: Bullion, Floating Points and Simbad, who all shared their personal stories and experiences of producing and making beats/music.  Second of all, they had an introduction to Logic Pro 9, and gave us all a chance to play around with the software on computers and ask the ‘pros’ for tips and various questions you’ve always wanted to ask. Not to mention that you had ‘members’ from the CDR crew like Morgan Zarate, Aaron Jerome, Soundspecies, Guynamite making beats on the spot. But I think that the most important thing this event proved, at least to me, that there really is a community out there, a little family of music makers that all share the same love and passion for great music. And instead of trying to compete and rip each other off, we should all come together and help each other out.

A lot of other great people where there, like The 8Bitch, Mr Beatnick, Semtek, Greymatter Beats, Soul Identity, Kev Luckhurst, Charlie Dark and probably many many others I never had the chance to have a chat with. But all in all, the atmosphere and the vibe was just amazing.

Bullion started off the night talking about his track “Get Familiar“, and what made me smile was that everybody were drinking and socialising, but when he started playing the track, a strange silence fell across the room and as you looked around, you found yourself bopping your head along to the beat with almost every single person in there. I don’t know how to explain it properly, but it was one of those great moments when you just start smiling to yourself because you realise that you are in a room with so many other people that are, in a way, just like yourself. And it felt really good.

Simbad went through his track “Soul Fever“, and I loved the fact that he pointed out the importance of backing up your music on several hard drives, because horrible shit can happen when your laptop suddenly crashes and you lose all your work. Im sure most of us had a little giggle to ourselves, because I know of so many people who have lost their work due to a silly little thing like that.

Floating Points finished off the night talking about how he made “Love Me Like This“, a track that I never seem to be able to get tired off.  He was saying how he now have learnt the importance of ‘pre mastering’ his tracks before they actually get mastered, and how much trouble they had gone through to actually getting the track mastered due to various ‘issues’ and things people don’t really think about when they make it in their bedrooms, but never gone through the process of putting it on wax before.

Personally, what I liked most about this event was that we were all there because of one common interest, our love for music. The little talks the boys had about their tracks didn’t contain many ‘AHA!’ moments, however, they gave most people a sense of reassurance. Meaning, just like the rest of us, these guys didn’t really know how to do things either when they first started out making music. They found their own little ways of making things work and sounding good, and they stuck to it. I think it was a great way of demonstrating the fact that making music isn’t rocket science, and even the most simple tracks can turn out to be amazing.

I had such a great time & experience, and I feel like a learnt a lot, even about things I kind of already knew. I hope they will continue doing these nights once in a while, because I believe it is a nice way of getting people who make music together and create an atmosphere where you’re not ashamed to ask all those questions that might have been annoying you for quite some time. As always, the only thing I missed was having some girls representing haha. WHERE MY GIRLS AT!? Hm, yes… I think I need to stop going out, save money, and start making music again.

Right, bed time for me I think. Much love to you all! x

I hope all is well with you. Im sitting an listening to the MTV unplugged album with Jay-Z, woke up stupidly early considering how exhausted I am. I think Im still buzzing from the madness that was this weekend. I know it’s been a couple of days since I touched base, but my internet connection has been playing tricks on my again, and this crazy manic weekend took up most of my time again.

I had a slow start on Thursday evening when I met up with Bart from Onda Sonora & Lefto after work. It felt so nice to finally meet Bart, I always wonder in the back of my head if people like him, who’s blogs/websites Ive been reading & following for years, actually realise how much they’ve changed my life. Needless to say, he was absolutely wonderful and Lefto was, haha, yeah Left was just Lefto, we had a good laugh. Im so happy to be extending my music family to Brussels, they are such great people, and I can’t wait to go there this Autumn. They deserve all the love in the world.

Friday evening I spent with one of my friends that was spinning reggae records at the three blind mice near old street. After some rum & ginger beer, all plans of making it a quiet night flew out the window, and I ended up coming home around 6am in the morning. Was not feeling the sunshine on Saturday morning, but dragged my ass out of bed to go and meet up with Julien from Laid Back Radio, who was here in London for a quick visit.

We met up by Charlotte Street in town, went to one of my favourite small authentic Italian coffee shops located just off Tottenham Court Road for a coffee and a little chat in the gorgeous weather. Ended up heading east towards the Shoreditch area to check out some street art (turns out he is a big fan, which was a nice surprise). Checked out Brick Lane, and ended up at Vibe Bar for a drink. It was the perfect afternoon, the sun was shining, the conversation was stimulating, and aaaah, I have so much love for this man in my heart. I respect his views on this whole music thing immensely, and I think the ideas he has for the future and the mentality he has about/behind the Laid Back project really fits in with my own views and opinions, which in these days are rare to come by. So safe to say I had a wonderful time, and I am really looking forward working with the Laid Back crew in the near future. Be prepared for magical things my friends, it’s all coming together!

After we parted I bumped into some friends, and we went back to vibe bar to say hello to Simbad, Lefto & the bPm who were being their troublesome selves. Nice to finally see Thristian again, I have missed that boy so much. I have to come up with a way of somehow working or doing something with him again, I need my weekly fix of that wonderful laugh of his. Anyway, had some drinks, a lot of laughter and a boogie or two, and went to Cargo to see the nextmen. Cargo was absolute madness, and the queue was the craziest Ive seen it since worldwide awards early this year. After failing to sort anybody else out to get in (I wasn’t gonna be the twat who stayed because I was the only person on the list… not how I roll) we decided to move on. Safe to say it became a bit messier after that, and we ended up in Hoxton Square in the park, drinking beer and talking about life (yes it was one of those…) Rolled home in the wee hours of the morning, and bed never felt as good.

Sunday started rather slowly, but I had a “date” with my best friend Cata in the city for some gossip & giggles, so I pulled myself together and went down to see her. After some late lunch, I had to go east to see Jide & his crew for the crooked tongues BBQ party. The sun was shining, so perfect bbq weather, and who in their right mind will turn down free food & drinks combined with great music on a beautiful Sunday like that!? I personally felt that the majority of the people there were a bit too pretentious, and a bit too styled and “poser-like” for my own personal taste, but you win some and lose some. We bailed around 8pm to attend the “Soul Power” after party at Market Place.

Now that party was the perfect finish to an amazing weekend. Organised by the lovely Amelia from Put Me On It & Shook Mag, it was like the perfect party – with great people, amazing music and wonderful vibes. Was a pleasure to finally meet Amelia after only having met her online, and I can honestly say that she is one of the most beautiful people, personality & looks wise, that I have ever met. Much love & respect to that girl, she is amazing, I hope you’ve checked out her blog Put Me On It! Was also nice to Charlie who I hadn’t seen for a couple of weeks. We had a bit of a giggle, and he then went on to playing a set that was simply on FIRE, I dont think there was one single person that was able to stand still during it. That man is a legend and such an inspiration, I feel so lucky and blessed to have met him… (Much love to you Mr Dark, we need to do dinner soon!) Eric Lau played a wicked set as well, and he has personality that just makes you want to run up and give him a big hug (next time I will!) Oh and funnily enough, I found out yesterday that the guy I was checking out in the corner all night was Oddisee. Haha, small world, and a great party.

All in all, another amazing weekend, and I needed yesterday to kind of recover from the madness. But as they say, no rest for the wicked.

Right, this became a very long post, I need to have a shower and get to work. Hope you all have a wonderful day, will drop by a bit later to check up on you. Much love! x

I have been listening to this little badboy of a mix from the amazingly talented Alexander Nut all morning. It is good, really really good. Perfect way of getting into the weekend spirits! So Nuff said, just download it now my friends! Many thanks to the peeps over at Sonic Router who posted it! Go and check out their page, it’s a good one too. Download is below, ENJOY! x

Tracklisting for Alex Nut – Ballers Mix:

Dizzie Rascal – Flyin’ (instrumental)
Tiago – Bable Fish
Rustie – Shadow Enter
?>£>$>$>$$>$ (Floating Points remix)
Dark House – Darkhouse Mediation
Om Unit – Cradle
Dam Funk – Chocolate
Funkineven 1956 ‘She’s Acid’
Floating Points – Peoples Potential
Karizma – Nessesary Madness
Rustie – Bad Science
Afrika Hi Tech – Blen!
Brackles – Get A Job
Brackles & Shortstuff – Sutorita Faita
Untold – Its Gonna Work Out Fine
Pearson Sound – Wad
Tempa T – Next Hype (Plastician Remix)
Joker – Retro Racer
Skepta ft Wiley – Are You Ready
Zomby – Godzilla
Shuanise – Catch

I hope you’re enjoying this very warm and somewhat sunny Thursday afternoon.  Need to write some thoughts down that have been circulating in my head lately, and it’s in regards to this whole ”thing” about being a girl and being into/working with music.

There are two reoccurring “themes” that keep popping up every now and again, and I just want to address them once and for all, since they are starting to slightly annoy me:

1.  “I didn’t know girls were into this kind of music…”

I hate this expression, and I very much dislike when people say it to me (even if they sometimes say it a good way). What correlation is there between my gender and what music I’m into?  NONE, absolutely none. Ok, fair enough, there might not be a lot of girls in certain “scenes” or what ever you want to call it, but I wouldn’t say that it is because of the fact that they are girls and rather listen to some shitty R&B or pop. Trust me when I say that there are plenty of girls out there who love a heavy beat and a fat bass. You might not find them in the places where you think you would, but that doesn’t rule out the fact that they exist. They are just as common as all the guys who like shitty mainstream music.

2. “You’re a girl, so of course it is easier for you…”

Ok, let me first point out that I am a nobody. I was blessed and lucky enough to get accepted and join the Brownswood family 1,5 year ago now, and yes, because of that I got the chance to meet some incredible people. But, I don’t make music and I don’t DJ, and apart from being passionate about music and having the intention of maybe one day start working with it again, I don’t consider myself part of the music scene here in London.

I get a lot of people taking the piss out of me or asking me how I know this and this person, how I know about this and this event etc and for most of them, it almost always boils down to the fact that I am a girl and therefore I get special treatment. And my response to that is: The reason why I know these people, why I get invited to these events, have some of that (what they like to call) “underground music” is because I MAKE AN EFFORT. I listen to their music, I buy their music, I play their music, I go to their events, I contact them and tell them I like their stuff, I write to other people and recommend their stuff, I write in this blog about them, if I can help them in any other way or form I’ll go and help them. I put in a lot of my time and effort doing all these things. Not because I have to or because I want to be cool/be recognised/whatever, I do it because I genuinely love music, because I am passionate about the art behind making it, and because I truly care and want to help these people succeed in every way I can.

You say: I have it easy because I am a girl and that I get treated differently
I say: it is people like you that treat me differently because I am a girl.

However, that doesn’t necessarily mean I/we girls have it easier. I constantly feel like I have to prove myself because I am a girl, and I am sure Im not the only one who feels that way.

Bottom line is, when it comes down to it, it doesn’t matter if you’re male or female. If you have the passion and you have the will to push forward and do what it takes to achieve your goals/dreams (whatever they might be) I am confident in the fact that you will.

Right, rant over. Thanks for that, needed to get that out of my system. Much love! x

Let me introduce some of my dear friends from Twitter.
I apologise in advance for the severe lack of glitz, glam & glitter…

If your name is not mentioned, please don’t get offended.
The list is already long, but should probably still be extended.

I want to start off with Juslikemusic who I have known for a year,
This Saturday is his bday so please head over and give him a big cheer.

On my own birthday I had the pleasure of meeting
CubikMusik,  gunniessdj, Soul_Identity and Greymatterbeats
I can honestly say that that day was one of my life’s best birthday treats.

I am blessed to have the peeps that show me love and are there to support,
Friendly creatures like paulriley1982,  futureancient, bmxkris, bkcl, EL3G, Dooks13, onthebuzz, thefunkhouse, and bluevibestudio

Then I have the overly talented people who I simply just admire
People like MrBeatnick, BullionNess, The_Real_Semtek, illum_sphere, the8bitch, daddydark and of course, Mr. Scrimshire

Not to mention some of the bloggers that know their shit and never disappoint,
Fellow writers and music lovers like putmeonit, OndaSonora, nutriot and on_point

Oh, and I need big up the boys that make me giggle, and not just djhoop,
But also his mates, thenextmen and matt_the_good

Before I round this up I’d like to send some extra love to LaidBackRadio
Not only for the musical inspiration, but for letting me do a show.