LOOK MUM! Im (kinda) famous!!
See if you can spot me at 0:34 having a chat & a laugh and at 1:28-1:30 shouting AWAY AWAY AWAY! looking a bit silly like below:
Run Dem Crew #Makeitcount
I know I kind of got ridiculously ill because I went on this run and almost puked my lungs out in the process. (The lesson has been learnt don’t worry!)
But despite the million degrees fever, waking up in a puddle of sweat 4 days in a row and the aching body, looking at this footage I can honestly say that it was worth it.
There are just too many amazing and wonderful and inspirational people at Run Dem Crew… I feel so blessed to be part of it all. There are not enough words to describe it all, but it has definitely changed my life for the better.
So I am sending much love and well wishes to all of you who are running the Paris Half Marathon this weekend! AWAY AWAY AWAY! xxx
I went and did a Spartan Bars session last night at 7pm in Shoreditch Park, lead by the wonderful but during training very tough (!!!) @chakabars.
Yeah it was a Friday night, and I was outside in a dark & cold park, doing hardcore workout with a group of dedicated (read: mental) Spartan brothers & sisters.
It’s basically very very intense circuit training that lasts about 1-1:30 hour. Two rounds around 14 stations with some sprinting and other crazy ‘push & pull your workout partner up and down a small hill’ in between the rounds (check chaka’s blog for the funny videos and to see what I mean, a bit hard to explain).
I don’t feel as dead as I thought I would but I can still feel my body. Not gonna lie, I thought I was gonna puke a few times during it all, as well as my arms failing on me and falling off… but they didn’t and now I just want to do more!
Apart from trying to laugh instead of crying, the only thing that kept me going was the thought of Beyonce & Rhianna – and how I am determined to at least once in my life look better than them!
Now, like Bangs kindly tried to explain to me, I am not black, and I know this, it has nothing to do with me thinking I can be the hotness that is black women. But for me, that is exactly what they represent – absolute fierceness!
So basically, in my opinion, these two fantastic and talented women got their thighs, booty, hips, waist and tummy all where it should be at. Not skinny looking but healthy and toned, like they could rock your world in the kitchen, bedroom and dancefloor all at the same time.
So I am sorry for the GIF explosion that will take place now, but I need to have an inspirational post of hotness that I can refer back to every time I want to give up training for Berlin!
It’s hard not being able to run, but it will probably be harder once I can start doing it again. So, I need to keep these images in mind, because apart from rocking that half marathon, this is what I want to achieve in 2012:
Hello my friends!
My new Little Miss Sunshiine show is up on mixcloud and I just have to say that I have the most amazing listeners in the world! I know I might say it a lot, but with every show that I do, you guys just melt my heart a little bit more and blow me away with your support.
The majority of you are so encouraging and nice, it genuinely makes me feel so happy and proud to have such great people tuning in. You make it worth working so hard and pushing myself to become better (not just music wise but in general too!).
So big up yourselves and lots of love to you!
Spent most of this afternoon crying. I promised my mum to stop posting pictures like this because they make her cry too – sorry mum!
I feel like a broken record when it comes to my knees so I won’t go on about it after this post because even I think it’s starting to become boring.
I’m just extremely sad and disappointed at the moment.
I feel like I fucked up and its very frustrating to know that I gave so much and tried so hard, only to be told that it was too much too soon and to just rest and do nothing for a while.
As stupid as it might sound, after having done nothing for so many years, I am just… scared.
I am scared that my body will forget about all the hard work I have been putting in these past 5 weeks.
I am scared that I will lose my motivation and drive to do this half marathon.
I am scared that I wont complete the Team Bangs journey if I make a quick stop and rest.
I am scared that resting will make me feel like a failure and destroy all the good things that have been happening to my confidence lately.
I am scared that this whole ‘knee thing’ will stop me from pushing myself and going harder and further in the future.
I am actually more than just scared – I am terrified – despite it sounding ridiculous.
And I know I probably shouldn’t beat myself up about it so much. But I can’t help it. This is the way I am and I don’t really know how to be anything else.
It angers, and frustrates, and saddens me when I want to do and give something my all and I can’t.
But as promised, I will rest for a week and do my best not to get too negative about it.
Unfortunately I have a feeling the latter is much easier said than done…
Hello my friends!
So this is me today… Absolutely exhausted! It has been a very very long and weird week. Started out with being very excited about doing more running after my 8 miler in the snow.
Sadly, no matter how excited I was and how amazing I think Run Dem Crew is, I had my worst run ever this Tuesday. Fucked up my knee, forgot my oyster, ran 3 miles in extreme pain trying not to cause a scene & burst into tears.
Obviously it all kind of backfired because as soon as I got back to base and saw Rhalou the tears just started coming, I almost had a panic attack and to rush home, and I could’t really stop crying until I got off the bus by the end of my road. Not much of a warrior I know, more like a puppy that has been beaten.
Got home and followed doctors advice about RICE (Rest, Ice, Compress, Elevate) but all I really wanted to do was to scream and punch things. I am telling you, the combination of that much frustration and pain is not a very good look, especially not on me. I was beyond gutted and really angry with myself for fucking up, not only the run I had been looking forward to so much, but also my knee that I kind of need in order to do more running.
Luckily, I had ordered some new running gear the previous day because the snow running had proved to me that no matter how many years I’d lived in Sweden, minus degrees are still very cold. So in order to prevent my legs from falling off from frostbite, I knew that a nice little package would be arriving soon, hopefully cheering me up.
Safe to say I was over the moon when it all arrived, and here are two of the “new looks” – including long leggings that make me feel like cat woman and a purple/pink jacket. Combined they make me feel like a little ninja. Whilst the second one apparently makes me look like a power ranger (which I personally think is awesome!)
On Saturday I met up with some of my bestest friends in the whole wide world. That cheered me up even more, especially since they had such nice things to say about me and my running achievements. Oh, and also because I had the most delicious breakfast ever consisting of fried cherry tomatoes and mushrooms with poached eggs and shaved parmesan!
Then I went to see my incredibly hot Team bangs girls for a session with the amazing Barbara – a professional running coach and triathlon mad woman. It was great to get some advice, do my first ‘light’ running session since the bad knee, and of course, to see some of my fabulous girls! They always manage to make me feel better and even though I was worried about my knee and the fact that it was starting to hurt again, they brought the smiles and made me feel good.
Today, Sunday, meant that I had my long run to do (6 miles) and I had managed to get together with a little group of amazing people from Run Dem Crew to do it with (in the order they appear below: Kaye, Guy, Alexandra and Daniel).
We met up at 9:30am London Bridge and I was really nervous… Not because I was scared their pace would be too fast, because believe it or not, I actually enjoy the 9:30min/mile pace (its crazy I know, if you would have told me this 2 months ago or 2 years ago I would have told you to get your head checked) and it wasn’t even the 10 mile distance because I had already decided I wasn’t going to do 10 miles, only the 6 miles that were on my training plan.
It was the thought of fucking up my knee even more that was haunting me and almost punching little holes in my head.
And of course, as soon as we hit waterloo bridge which was 2 miles away, my knee was screaming STOP IT YOU FOOL! So I apologised for the crap knee & turned around. I thought that I could run the 2 miles back, or maybe even an extra mile to get in 3 all together but no…
My knee said “What the hell do you think you’re doing!? I said no!” and I got so scared that I decided to give in and walk. And just when I had passed the 15896th runner on the south bank and felt a million and one emotions sweeping over me, I bumped into the lovely Ama from Run Dem Crew who saved the morning and put a smile on my face (although you cant see it as I am trying to look gangsta).
All in all – despite all the good things happening I felt like it was a very difficult week.
I really want to run… and I know I need to rest the knee and listen to my body, and I will. But just the thought of not being able to run next week either is making me want to cry.
It is so fucking frustrating that I don’t even know how to describe it in words. All I want to do is scream of anger.
People say I have caught the running bug and maybe that’s true, maybe it’s not, I don’t know.
However, what I do know is true is that I am starting to love running more and more because not only does it make me feel good about myself, I have also met so many wonderful and amazing people because of it that I almost feel like beating myself with a stick for not starting to run much sooner.
And these new found running friends have all been above and beyond supportive this week, something that just makes little fireworks go off in my heart because it is just too… well… overwhelming to see so many people wishing me nice things and hoping that I will recover soon.
I want to be out running on the pavement with them, clocking in the miles and making it count. Going hard before I go home with a smile on my face.
I want to share that great feeling of accomplishment with them, just like being there for them if they are going through a tough time.
I want to run because it’s something I never thought I would enjoy and because it makes me feeling amazing, even when it’s not.
Yesterday I did my first ever 8 miles in snow!! It was amazing and I still can’t believe I managed to do it without moaning and being angry at the world.
Words can’t express how thankful I am that despite being the only person who turned up for the “snow run” at Crystal Palace at 9am, Dommy was kind enough to run with me (I am a snail compared to him so I am sure he was doing me a much bigger favour than I was doing him).
Safe to say that it lifted my “running spirit” from last week when I was really down, and I can officially confirm that I am back on my little cloud of excitement when it comes to Berlin and the half marathon.
Not sure if I have told you all,(maybe I have but I can’t remember), but I am aiming to do the Berlin Half Marathon in 2 hours.
Yes – that is a bit crazy considering I’ve never done a half marathon before, as well as only being a wannabe runner for about 2 months now.
But I don’t care!
If there is one thing I’ve learnt in life so far it is that you shouldn’t be scared of aiming “too high” and working hard on getting where you want to be. I know people chuckle when I say it, but I really do believe that you can do anything if you put your mind to it, A-N-Y-T-H-I-N-G!
I only have to look at the 5 weeks I have been running and training with team Bangs to see that it is true.
I mean, I’m not going to lie – I love the fact that I look slimmer now that I run and the thought of becoming super hot & sexy puts the biggest smile on my face.
After being chubby or “fat” for so many many years and hating the way I looked, and actually feeling ASHAMED of the way I looked for so long, to finally start having the complete opposite feelings is a fantastic experience and I don’t care if you call me shallow – it is the truth and I wont deny it.
However, that is still not the most important bit of this journey for me so far. (although I do have a long way to go so I might have a few by the end of it hahaha)
I know that once again this sounds super cheesy, but the best part for me so far has been the feeling that I belong somewhere and that my efforts and hard work is being appreciated instead of being looked down upon. And it might sound weird but it’s true.
I want to do better so I can give back and help people who might be in the position I was in when I started. And yes 5 weeks is a fart in the wind, but for me Team Bangs and Run Dem Crew really is about those things:
Becoming better at what you are passionate about (which is not *just* running) and giving back and helping others to become better too.
And not in a preachy or ‘I am better than you therefore you should listen to me’ kind of way!
On the running and training side of things it’s not about becoming a fitness freak…
It’s not about punishing yourself and not allowing yourself to enjoy certain pleasures in life such as chocolate or a bacon sandwich or sex or whatever.
It’s about pushing yourself to become better, about being determined, about making a plan and sticking to it – but also about sharing your story and encouraging other people and effectively showing the world that anything is possible with passion, determination and hard work.
I’ve said it before but I will say it again – Everything in life is hard work, especially the things worth having.
So unless you are part of a very very small minority, things will not be given to you on a silver platter. You will have to work hard and then some.
And people will mock you, they will tell you it’s impossible, they will try to convince you that you can’t do it.
And if that wasn’t enough, you will fail many times, and you will make mistakes, and you will feel like the biggest idiot and loser on the planet from time to time.
And all this (plus more!) will make you want to give up, to tell yourself it’s not worth the sacrifices, it’s not worth the pain and tears.
But it is.
Don’t be scared of dreaming and aiming too high. And definitely don’t be scared of following your dreams, it is possible to do anything but you really have to want it and work hard for it.
IF THEY ASK FOR 100%
AIM FOR 110%
Last day of the third week of training for the Berlin Half Marathon and let me tell you – this week has been the shittiest week of 2012. No joke.
Without really going into anything other than running, this week was hard as hell.
It started out with some ‘issues’ that I won’t dwell or go on about because as far as I know, everything has been talked about and resolved, but let’s just say that a situation occurred that kind of made me very sad, disappointed and a bit upset.
On top of that, this no smoking business had resulted in pretty much insomnia. I had been getting on average about 3 hours sleep per night for roughly two weeks, which is not a lot when you need to be up by 6am the very latest every weekday morning to squeeze in either run or a bootcamp session before work.
Safe to say that the tiredness got the best of me – all I wanted to do was to cry my eyes out, dig a hole in the ground and disappear forever.
Everything was a struggle and I just couldn’t see how it was going to get any better.
After having a lovely run, and the longest one I have ever done, with Run Dem Cew on Tuesday, I went for another one on Saturday and it bloody hurt! Now don’t get me wrong, I know I am a beginner, but so far running has never really hurt in the way it hurt on Saturday. My legs, my feet, my thighs, my stomach, my back, my shoulders, everything hurt.
I wasn’t even doing my long run, “only” 3,5 miles and I felt like my body was going to fall apart. How the hell am I meant to run 13 miles if I am on my third official week of training and my body is falling apart after less than a quarter of the distance!?
I wasn’t happy but I tried not to think about it. Until I woke up this morning, on my “long run day”, and felt like my entire existence was shouting NO to running. The thought of having to go for a run was actually so upsetting that I started crying.
And before you start judging me – yes I do look horrible on that picture, yes I was silly enough to take a picture of myself looking that bad whilst crying my eyes out, BUT, how am I meant to share this journey with you all if I am not honest and show you EVERYTHING of what I am going through.
So I cried for a while, tweeted about how I didnt want to go for a run, and then decided to stop being silly and just do it because I would feel much worse about the situation if I didn’t go.
Little did I know that whilst I was crying a bit more and preparing to go out for this very much dreaded run, people were saying all kinds of encouraging and wonderful things to me on twitter:
I really wish I would have seen this before I went out, because it wasn’t really a very pretty run…
I got to 0,75 miles and started crying because I just didn’t want to be out there. I didn’t want to be running and I couldn’t believe that I hadn’t even done a mile.
When I got to 1,5 miles I was cussing everybody in my head.
I was cussing myself for having met Charlie Dark and for him to have started Run Dem Crew.
I was cussing Bangs for asking me to join Team Bangs and for making me feel so passionate about the team and the girls and this achievement and for getting me into running when in fact I was probably much happier when I was fat, lazy, smoking 20 cigarettes a day and not giving a flying toss about any stupid half marathon.
I was cussing all my girls in Team Bangs for being so lovely and great people and for making me looking forward to getting up in the morning to go training and for feeling so blessed about sharing this journey with them, because it is a crap journey that is too much effort and hard work.
I was cussing every person I have met in Run Dem Crew, at the sessions or online, for being so into this stupid fucking thing called running and for being so nice and encouraging to me. I mean, who the hell owns and wears so much lycra anyway!?!
It even got to the point where I was cussing my parents for making me and my mum for giving birth to me.
Yes it really got that bad. It got to the point where I literally wished I had not been born at all.
This was where I had my second cry. I think it was around 3,75 miles when I realised how far I had left to run.
I couldn’t breathe, my legs and shoulders were hurting, and I was seriously considering running in front of a car just so I could put myself out of my misery.
But somehow I carried on.
I was thinking of Berlin, of how everything was hurting, of how I’d never be able to do 13 miles, of how Candie was right – Come race day I would be there on my own. Me and the pavement. Nobody to run for me, nobody to carry me over the finish line. Every man/woman on their own.
And during all of it, I had the little devil on my shoulder whispering in my ear:
How all this wasn’t worth it.
How I didn’t have to prove anything to anybody.
How I wasn’t “built” for running anyway.
How my life would be so much easier if I didn’t train for this stupid half marathon.
How nobody would care if I just stopped running now and not in 2,5 miles.
How it was ok to walk a little if I needed.
Every single excuse you can think of, you can believe that the little devil whispered it to me. And I listened, and I took it in, hell, I even agreed with some of it.
But I didn’t stop.
After the last excuse I turned my head to the little angel that had been hiding behind my other shoulder, smiled, and tried to run the last mile as fast as I could.
That is when I had my third cry.
Then I got home and was greeted by these wonderful words (I can’t say thank you enough to all of you – I was blown away with how amazing and supporting and encouraging you all are!):
I am going to be honest with you all – I have no idea why I didn’t stop. It would have been so easy and nobody was there with me so nobody would have known anyway.
Maybe it was pride, maybe it was because I was determined not to, maybe it was just luck – I don’t know.
But what I do know is that I am ultimately doing this because I want to be able to wake up every morning and be the best person I can be.
And I know that sounds cheesey, and a bit ‘self-help’/motivational coach bull-shit talk, but it is the truth.
That is the goal and I need to remember that, especially on the bad days and weeks.
Why? Because you need the bad to appreciate the good.
And people can take the piss and people can laugh, but I know that I will come out of this as a better person.
It’s not easy, and this week definitely was a reality check compared to the two previous weeks when I started to think that it might be a piece of cake to run 13 miles after all. It has grounded me, made me think and definitely made me appreciate rest days!
So much love and respect to all of you who are going through this journey as well.
And much love and thank yous to all of you who have been encouraging me to go out there and smash it. Words are not enough for me to express how much I appreciate and value your support.
So you know those amazingly talented teenagers I was raving on about that performed at Gilles Peterson’s wordwide awards? Well their tracks have now been offered as free downloads, so make sure you get them because they are amazing!
The fabulous J’Danna:
J’DANNA – Winter in America (Gil Scott-Heron Tribute) by 2morrows Victory Records
The talented Joey:
JOEY – Revolution (Gil Scott-Heron Tribute) by 2morrows Victory Records
Please check out the whole article about them on the Brownswood website, they deserve all the praise they can get! So spread the tunes, spread the word and share the love!
Team Bangs at SITC Bootcamp! Pic taken by Bangs
Hello my friends!
I thought I would take a break from talking about running and mention this awesome workout we do twice a week with Team Bangs called Sexy In The City Bootcamp.
I have to admit, when I first heard the name I thought it sounded really lame (sorry!) but if we ignore that, I have to say it is one of the best work-out methods I have tried in my “adult” life – and I have tried quite a few things.
People seem shocked that I have become so active lately but if you think about it, I used to be an incredibly active kid. I used to swim, dance, play tennis, play squash and so on. I had a sport activity every day of the week, sometimes even twice a day.
When I became a bit older, dancing was the most enjoyable form of exercise, but it’s just too expensive in London and so hard to find a good class. Plus they are always packed or really far away so I have never seen the point in them.
I went to the gym every morning during my last year in university and I tried to keep it up when I finished. Actually, I was so eager to go to the gym frequently that I even had a personal trainer for a few months.
But it was no use, I still HATED it so so much. All these buff guys walking around or making love to themselves with their eyes in the mirror. Or even worse, all these skinny girls in brand new gym outfits, styled hair and make up… I mean COME ON! You are meant to work out and get sweaty, it’s not a bloody beauty competition…!!!! Very off-putting to say the least.
However, despite the fact that we do the SITC bootcamp in a gym, the entire experience so different!
We are just girls doing it, in a room where other people can’t really see us, and we are all kinds of different shapes and sizes, with no make up, having a laugh whilst working hard.
We do new exercises every time, some are similar to each other, but it still doesn’t feel repetitive. It’s basically circuit training that is very intense and lasts 30 min, but we also do stretching and work on our “core”.
I never in my wildest dreams thought I’d enjoy it, but I am loving it! It’s a great way to cross train whilst running and the great guy usually leading the class, Phil, is just super duper awesome. He encourages us and helps us get better at all the exercises during class, and he also tweets to us and checks up on us outside of class. He, and the girls, really makes it feel like it’s worth getting up at stupid o’clock to do some hardcore exercise.
Plus, we were given the option to measure ourselves when we started doing the classes so we can track our progress as the weeks & months go by. And if that wasn’t enough, we were also given guidance on what to eat and drink so we can maximise the benefits from training and feel good.
So yeah, despite being sceptical, I have to admit that it’s just GREAT! So feel free to check out the SITC website, and follow Phil on twitter!
PS! I got some nice offers for friends who are interested in doing it, so drop me a comment or email for more details ;)
