What doesn’t kill you makes you…stronger?

Hello my friends!

I hope you’re well and enjoying the lasting heatwave that we are experiencing.

It’s been a long time since I did a more personal post, mainly because I’ve felt rather vulnerable for the last 6 months and I didn’t really feel comfortable writing about a lot of the difficult things that have been going on on my life to any greater extent.

But as my 27th birthday is approaching (next Friday – 2nd August) I’ve been thinking a lot about the past year and the goal I set myself on my last birthday as I was sitting on the bathroom floor, scooping my own poo into a little container (safe to say, that was not how I had envisioned spending my birthday!).

Anyway, the goal I set myself was to try to improve my life for the better by improving myself,  acknowledging the fact that despite what attitudes I might have had before, the reality is that there are no ‘quick fixes’ – only a long and hard road ahead.

I was willing to walk down that road since I was hoping that by the time I turned 27 I would live a much happier and fulfilling life. All I can say is, be very careful for what you wish for because even if life does give you what you want, it rarely comes easily or in the way you had imagined!

Despite having to do a lot of personal and lifestyle changes after that birthday, especially health wise due to the start of my stomach treatment (which meant a lot of sacrifices and tonnes of more will power), none of it were as difficult as these last six months in 2013.

This year so far has been the most challenging and difficult one of my so-called “adult life”, and I have been through some pretty messed up shit in my lifetime!

Without going on a massive moan about how incredible shit some aspects have been, let’s just say I have learnt a lot about myself this year when it comes to determination, inner strength, personal weaknesses, sadness, courage, loneliness, forgiveness, friendship and love.

It became even clearer than before who my real friends are and I have them to thank for helping me see the light when I was lost and consumed by complete darkness.

Even though I didn’t realise it at the time, the get together we arranged with my closest friends and loved ones for midsummer was the defining turning point for my so-far pretty shitty year.

As you can see on the picture, I let loose and truly let go of everything, and it was by far one of the best evenings I have had in recent memory.

I have come to terms with the fact that I won’t reach the goals I set myself to achieve before my 27th birthday, but I’m ok with that because I feel I’m finally on the right track.

• The stomach treatment is coming to its end, and whilst it has been difficult on many levels, I am very happy I went through with it all, despite all my sacrifices.  I am much more knowledgeable when it comes to food and my condition, and I feel like I have gained knowledge and habits that will stick with me for a lifetime. It has been a life changer and a great building block that will help me achieve my fitness goals in a much healthier way.
• I am finally buying my very own place in London with my best friend Catariya. We will be celebrating our 8 year anniversary in London this September, and I can’t believe that our dream of owning a flat here is finally coming true! The mortgage application still needs to be approved and contract still needs to be signed and exchanged, but we are much closer now than ever before.
• The website projects I have been working on for Fat City and Jazzman Records have after two years finally been completed! Still loads of work to be done post launch, but last week the Jazzman site got launched AT LAST, which means I can finally focus on other things besides doing the same job twice and working on overdrive to get the new site up and running.
• I am done with all my taught modules of my MA and I have had my proposal for my final project accepted which means I am a step closer to getting my MA Degree. Terrifying and utterly exciting, all at the same time. You will be able to follow my progress from next month onwards via the MA Music Industries link in the top nav.

I won’t reach my fitness goal of losing weight (Not allowed to during my treatment) and I will most likely not have a sub 2 hour half marathon under my belt before I’m 27. Neither will I have reached my career goal by my birthday. But you know what? It’s ok.

Considering what a year I have had so far, I am pretty sure that all the shit stuff had to happen in my 26th year so I would gain experiences that will help me make this coming year amazing. And that is what I plan on doing!

Because if I could survive this damn year and still come out smiling, I am sure I can survive anything life throws at me next year.

P.S. Just no deaths or babies please!