Big girls cry too #teambangs #makeitcount

Spent most of this afternoon crying. I promised my mum to stop posting pictures like this because they make her cry too – sorry mum!

I feel like a broken record when it comes to my knees so I won’t go on about it after this post because even I think it’s starting to become boring.

I’m just extremely sad and disappointed at the moment.

I feel like I fucked up and its very frustrating to know that I gave so much and tried so hard, only to be told that it was too much too soon and to just rest and do nothing for a while.

As stupid as it might sound, after having done nothing for so many years, I am just… scared.

I am scared that my body will forget about all the hard work I have been putting in these past 5 weeks.

I am scared that I will lose my motivation and drive to do this half marathon.

I am scared that I wont complete the Team Bangs journey if I make a quick stop and rest.

I am scared that resting will make me feel like a failure and destroy all the good things that have been happening to my confidence lately.

I am scared that this whole ‘knee thing’ will stop me from pushing myself and going harder and further in the future.

I am actually more than just scared – I am terrified – despite it sounding ridiculous.

And I know I probably shouldn’t beat myself up about it so much. But I can’t help it. This is the way I am and I don’t really know how to be anything else.

It angers, and frustrates, and saddens me when I want to do and give something my all and I can’t.

But as promised, I will rest for a week and do my best not to get too negative about it.

Unfortunately I have a feeling the latter is much easier said than done…