Hello my lovelies,
How are we doing today? I have been absolutely exhausted this past week, so as a result, I basically slept/cuddled through the entire day yesterday. Perhaps not the most productive of days, but it felt wonderful and I feel so much better.
Some of you might have noticed/read that I wanted to start a twitter campaign to find myself a boyfriend. Yes, you might think that it sounds utterly pathetic, but I thought Id ask my twitter fam to see what people would think about it. The results of opinions were mixed, and even though quite a few said I should do it, the majority seemed to think that it wasnt the way to go… So I have been thinking about it all week long, and Im still asking myself the same question: How do you meet somebody?
I had my first boyfriend when I was about 11-12 years old. Although, that doesnt really count (in my books at least) because we were young and we didnt really hang out much apart from at school. However, if I look back on these 10-12 years of my life, especially love life, the facts are as follows:
I have had 6 relationships in my life that lasted over 3 months, and a couple that were shorter and therefore become slightly insignificant since they were not very serious, only me being stupid and young.
Out of those 6 people, 2 I initially got to know through the internet, 2 I met through school/university, 1 I met through work and 1 I met randomly when I was out.
If I look at the breakup statistics, 5/6 times I initiated the break up, although 3/6 had to do with the fact that we lived in different countries and never saw each other.
Now, if I look at my current situation, I have been single for over a year, but I have had my heart broken 2 times. I am not going to lie, these 2 cases of boys messing with my heart/head in 2009 havent really helped me in any way, and to be quite frank, they have been the main reason/s for my unhappiness last year, and a bit this year.
I know that shit happens and you cant really control who you like etc, but it never stops to surprise and annoy me how these people act and lead you on, when they know that you like them and that eventually, it will only lead to heartache and heartbreak, a least for one of us… Having that said, I am really trying to get past last years mess and have faith in the fact that I will meet somebody who wont just take the piss and genuinely will care for me, I just dont know where to bump into this person.
I know most of you say that this person will come along when I least expect it, but truth be told, I could spend years and years waiting for this person to pop up, which I dont really want to do. I am an overly busy individual, and despite the fact that I feel very lucky and happy that I get to do the things I love, it doesnt take away the feeling of loneliness. And the weird thing is, I dont see anybody talking about it either, so I dont quite know how to behave or what to do in this situation. Or is it just the case of either me being the only single person, or maybe even worse, me being the only person who is single and actually feel slightly sad and lonely? (This cant be the case… I will feel rather doomed if it is!)
So, I need help. If starting a Twitter campaign isnt the way to go, then you need to tell me what I should be doing. I mean, theoretically speaking, the music scene I am involved in is overly male dominated, but, at the same time, it is very tricky because these people are either my friends or potential work collaborators, and past events have proven that most people cant handle the business and pleasure mix, especially afterward if it doesnt work out.
My dear friend David suggested I take up a new hobby, which might be a possibility, but that will require 2 things I dont really have so much of, time and money. So what do I do? Just sit and wait and hope for the best?
So let’s celebrate with a picture!
Thank you guys for all the sweet comments and encouraging words. Much appreciated and I don’t quite know what I would do without you. People seem pretty surprised every time I say this but, I don’t really have that many close friends I see on a regular basis and who I talk to. So when you leave me comments or email me, it really does mean the world to me. Much love to you all and I hope you had a nice start to the week! xxx
Hello friends,
I hope you had a nice weekend. I just got a reminder from wordpress that apparently I need to upgrade something, but unfortunately I can’t remember what this upgrade is for, so if the blog dies tomorrow, I do apologise.
Still don’t feel much better after a rather shitty week. Went to a birthday dinner yesterday which was ok, but I wasn’t up for it 100% and I had difficulties keeping my happy face on. Nic was kind enough to let me go over to his afterwards and let me stay the night. Really wasn’t up for coming home and being alone with myself and my thoughts, and it felt good not crying myself to sleep for the first time this week.
If I am honest, I don’t know if it’s just the general January blues or if I am actually this upset and sad and disappointed and angry about everything. I keep waiting for it to pass and for me to feel better and happier about my situation and about things, but it just doesnt seem to get any better, only worse. So yeah, I know, it might not be the most interesting thing in the world for you to read about, but to be honest, I dont really feel like there is much else for me to share or say.
I feel overly unhappy about most things that used to bring me joy, and I am starting to doubt the fact that I can go back feeling the way I used to do. Maybe I just need time, or maybe I just need to give it up and move on. Whatever the choice or option might be, I feel like I need to make up my mind soon. Because living the way I do at the moment is like a personal hell, and I keep breaking down every day crying my eyes out over how stupid and naive I have been about things.
So yeah, if the blog dies tomorrow, it might be a sign to leave it all behind. No more Orsii anywhere. But we shall see…
Hello my friends,
I hope you are good this somewhat grey Saturday. I have had a pretty long and exhausting week. Been feeling rather down and confused about things that are going on. Kind of messed up at work at the beginning of the week which made me feel rather horrible, like I let myself, my team, my boss and my client down. It wasn’t really THAT big of a deal and it has all been sorted now and the client seems happy, but unfortunately, the way I am, I can do 100 good things and 1 bad thing, and I will still feel shit just because of that one thing I fucked up on, no matter how well I have performed in regards to other tasks…
Other than that I have been a bit torn in regards to all the things I do in my spare time, mainly when it comes to music. I felt a bit used and disappointed this week, not to mention stupid and overly naive. Im not going to lie, I really felt like giving up on it all this week. It has been a very difficult start of the year for me, and some of the people I hoped would be there for me wasn’t. Usually when I go through difficult times, music has always been the one thing I have felt I could turn to, and to a certain extent, that is still true. However, lately I have felt like I do all this music related work for nothing. I work my ass off, but for what? I got through the invoice/notification of renewing this blog and I almost decided to close it down. However, after some consideration and inner battles, I came to the conclusion to keep it.
At the end of the day, I am not a quitter, and I have worked and sacrificed too much to give up on it now. And to be honest, when it comes down to it, I do enjoy doing it so much because I get the chance to help and promote talented artists/friends that I respect and look up to. Unfortunately, that kick of knowing you helped a person getting closer to his/her/their goal is sometimes not enough to feel satisfied and happy with yourself and your place in life. Especially when you realise that you are basically alone due to the fact that you neglected too many friends and opportunities along the way.
So yes, still slightly torn about things, but I am hoping it will all work in the end. 
Hello my friends,
I know it has been rather quiet here lately, sorry about that, just havent been in the mood or had the time to post anything. As some of you might know, I was home in Sweden for 2,5 weeks and I got back to London last Sunday. Honestly speaking, my trip home wasnt really a holiday as me and my mum were moving out of my childhood house, and it was very emotionally draining. Wont go into the details too much, but as nice as it was to see my family and friends, I am rather happy to be back here in the UK.
Very weird how half of January has gone by already, and a new year and decade is upon us as well. I had quite some time to reflect over this past year and decade when I was home. I cant deny that 2009 was a remarkable year with a lot of things happening. Saw my dad for the first time in almost 14 months and felt very awkward about the situation my parents were in. Was made redundant from my job but luckily got a new one shortly after. I travelled to the other side of the world for the first time in my life and spent 2 wonderful weeks with Gavin and his family in Australia. Got back 1 June and got swept away by twitter and the endless number of parties in the summer time. Had an amazing birthday weekend with Colin, and then celebrated it again with 4hero a week after. Was randomly asked to do a guest show for Laid Back, that turned into something so much more than I could ever have hoped for. Had my heart broken by a boy. Finally ended up in a nice house in September with 2 great housemates. Travelled to Brussels for the first time and got to meet so many fantastic people. Met the entire Space Invader crew in the autumn, which was a blast. Over-worked myself and kind of feel I neglected my friends as a result. Had a wonderful time in London with my partner in crime, Julien, from LDBK. Travelled home and saw my family late December. And probably many other things that have escaped my memory.
So whats on the horizon for 2010? Well apart from a lot more work, I don’t really know. I kind of want to spend a bit more time on myself this year. I keep wanting to do it every new year, but this year it kind of feels like I have to or I will lose it slightly. So focusing more on myself is something I will be trying to do. I would also like to travel a bit more, but that will of course be a subject for money and time, which I dont have a lot of… And of course, it would be nice to find a boyfriend, Im not going to lie. I have been single for quite some time now, and even though it is nice at times, I kind of miss having that person in my life that is like your best friend but comes with cuddles & kisses. I mean, sure, there is actually a boy that I like, but chances of us ever getting together are very slim, and they seem to be getting slimmer by the minute. And that is definitely something I need to try to change this year, falling for people who basically are a waste of time, emotions and tears. Dont get me wrong, this boy I like is rather amazing, but I should in theory have better things to do than just waiting for him to say that he likes me and want to be with me. So in 2010, I need to start a new trend in my boy-liking behaviour.
That’s about it I guess. Fairly predictable, but rather reasonable. Although I should try to make more effort to see my friends this year too. However, all in all, the main thing in the new year is pretty much to start taking better care of myself because I have noticed that if I dont do it, nobody will do it for me.
Im off to have pancake brunch with 2 friends, and then I need to go in to the office and prepare some stuff for a meeting we have tomorrow. I hope you guys are having a nice weekend! Much love xxx
