Thanks to everybody who made this summer memorable!
Much love xxx
Good evening,
I apologise for the lack up posts this week, but I was very ill most of the week and simply didn’t have the energy to write. But now another Saturday has almost passed by, and I have been doing a lot of thinking. Not just today, but as always, when I am locked inside with only my thoughts to keep me company, like I have been this week, my head goes into overload and starts analysing everything. Since I can’t seem to be able shake some of these feelings and thoughts, I figured I would write them down. Who knows, you might have some advice or comments…
The past 4 days I have been thinking a lot about myself, my life, what I want to do, what I have to do, what I want from life, and maybe most importantly, what I want and expect from myself.
I’m going to lie, I am scared of so many things. I am scared of never finding true love, of ending up alone, of not being able to live my life to the fullest, of sacrificing things I love for things I think I “have to do” or simply just prioritising things wrong. I am scared of failing, of letting people down, but most of all, of letting myself down. (We all know I am my own worst critic) Some people might see this as a weakness, the fact that I am scared, I personally see it as a strength. Maybe not the being scared part, but the fact that I acknowledge that I am, and that I actively try to find the courage inside of me to at least try to change the things in my life that I am not happy with.
I realised two things this week. One, so many people out there are scared shitless of being themselves because they are afraid of how people will react, and as a consequence, being judged. Two, many people out there are scared shitless of following their hearts and doing the things they love, simply because if they fail, what will they have left?
My mum called me to cheer me up on Wednesday night, and she was telling me once again that she thinks I should move back home to Sweden as my life would be so much easier and I would be closer to my family. Some how this discussion lead on to the subject of music, and I was telling her about all the amazing things that have been happening the past few months, and that I can’t leave because I feel it in my heart that this is the place where I have to and want to be. I asked her if she could imagine me without music in my life, and she started laughing and told me that even as a three year old I knew over 100 songs and nursery rhymes by heart, and that I used to break out in song to random people. She said that I wouldn’t be me without music, and I agree.
Somehow I think that is one of the main reasons why I might seem and/or feel different from so many people out there. Just like I have never been able to deny the fact that music is a part of me, I have never been able to deny me, the person who I am. No matter how scared I am or have been, I have always tried to follow my heart, tried to be true to myself and the person I am. I have been through some very low periods and some very high periods in my life, and yes, from time to time I have lost hope, but I have never stopped believing. And I think that is a very crucial thing in life, to believe, but maybe most importantly, to believe in yourself.
So what is my point with all this? Well, this week it kind of hit me that no matter how insecure I feel/have felt from time to time, no matter how scared I am/have been, no matter how sad or lonely I feel/have felt from time to time, I’ve never really stopped believing in the fact that I was meant to do what ever I am doing. And the fact that I believe makes me not only stronger, but it gives me the strength to carry on.
A lot of people tend to forget that I moved to London almost 4 years ago now, knowing virtually nobody. I came here because I was following a dream and a heart that kept screaming London was were I had to be. I could have stayed in Sweden, lived at home, gotten a free university degree, saved a LOT of money, and lived a fairly easy and care free life. But I didn’t. Don’t get me wrong, I probably never would have made it this far without the amazing support and help from friends and family. But what I am saying is that at 19, I had the courage to leave my entire life behind me to do something I had dreamt of doing since I was a little girl.
And it makes me sad that so many people deny themselves their chance of doing what they want to do. Just as much as it makes me sad when I see or hear about people denying themselves, as in, who they are, because they are afraid of being rejected or judged by others. I would say that the people who reject or judge people for shallow things are the kind of people who are mostly insecure with themselves, and being judgemental towards others is a way for them to make themselves feel better. Although I might be wrong…
Maybe I am just naive or maybe it’s all in my head, but I feel like there’s not enough people who talk about these things. They don’t talk about their fears, their weaknesses. I am aware of the fact that it might not be something you casually bring up in the company of people you don’t not know very well, and yes, there are a lot of things that I don’t share with people. But still, does it make me a ‘weak’ person because I feel all these things? In my opinion, it makes me human… and at the end of the day, that’s what we all are. I guess one of the main differences between people is that no matter how shit or amazing life is, the majority of us seem to go to bed at night wishing we have done things differently, whilst a very little group of us go to bed being thankful for having the courage to follow our heart.
Kevin is another amazing person I have had the pleasure to get to know over Twitter. Having a passion for both music and writing, I asked him to write a guest post for the blog, as he (just like so many of us) has so many great stories to tell that are all related to music in one form or another. So I hope you enjoy this very first guest post and don’t forget to follow him on Twitter. Much love! x
September 1983, I’m four years old and sat on a Thursday night in front of the television, the blue grey glow lighting up the gathered family like the moon bathing the waves of the sea. A normal early evening scene and one that would never normally be particularly memorable.
But.
The programme isn’t just any old TV show, instead it’s that sadly parted show that introduced so many of us to music as a spectacle for the first time. Top Of The Pops. And on screen comes a man so different to any I’ve seen before, dressed almost like a woman and singing about karma and chameleons, this man is so a pop star.
The funny thing is that this wasn’t just the moment I first became conscious of the spectacle of music, but one of my earliest memories too. As a person that struggles to remember their own dad’s birthday, and occasionally their own age, it seems testament to the power of the obsession that I can remember songs, gigs, TV appearances and records so clearly.
Music has always played a vital role in my life and perhaps it’s that, combined with a strangely romantic view of the world, that has made the reverberation of the airwaves so pivotal in who I am.
Music, and especially records have been my memories and photos down the years, all the major moments of my life have been soundtracked. From the great moments that linger long in the memory, such as the first night with the one that you love, a gig, a date, arms wrapped around her and the smell of her hair floating in the crowd as the music moves you as one with the beat.
Or the childhood memories of sitting, bathed in the warm yellow light of the early morning sun, listening to the needle drop, hiss and pop, on a classic Motown 45, the Beatles white album or slab of straight down the line Rock and Roll – delivered with the power and fire only Chuck Berry or Little Richard could bring – feelings that have travelled with me into my adult life. Helping me form my fetish with a medium, one that holds a modern nostalgia, a feeling of safety, awe and romance.
But then too when life turns, and the rhythms of the world aren’t in your favour music can be your worst enemy. How many times have you felt that pang of regret? or the pain of a moment long forgotten, brought back by the words, feeling or lament of an artist. To hear Jimmy Ruffin sing What Becomes Of The Broken Hearted when you’re feeling good is to revel in the humanity and force of feeling of a great artist portraying the human condition so perfectly. But to hear it when you’re that person, it knocks you sideways, stops you in your tracks and surrounds you once more with the misty fog of emotion. A fog that drops on you, surrounding your soul and isolating you from all around.
But I love the way music makes me feel, good or bad, the power and the fury of it, and I never want to lose it.
So I listen.
I listen when Seu Jorge sings,
Tanto tempo pra pensar
Mas no meio na correria acho que não deu
Eu tentando concertar a nossa história
Mas sem a sua ajuda, não aconteceu
wit
(So much time to think
But in-between all the running around
I think it didn’t work)
And as those final strains and notes leave my ears, whizzing and buzzing round my mind, small fairies of imagination that spread their magic on my mind, I’m thankful. Thankful that my passion can help me find things I’ve never found before, open doors I never knew of and even articulate hurt in a way I never could.
Brownswood Bubblers Four dropped yesterday, and if you haven’t got your copy yet, you are a fool! So to all of you fools out there, hurry up and buy the CD in the Brownswood online record store or download it from iTunes. In my personal opinion, this is one of the best Bubblers compilations, if not (dare I say it?) the best one out of the bunch. So enjoy my friends, and make sure you download the Best of Bubblers Mixtape if you haven’t already! Much love. x
Love is one of the most beautiful things on this earth. It makes you feel like you can do anything and overcome any obstacle in your way. I am a firm believer of the fact that you can’t choose the people you love, it just happens, for good and for worse. Unfortunately, when it happens for the worse, it feels like somebody suddenly took away your ability to breath. You can’t eat, you can’t sleep, you’re desperately struggling to keep a straight face in public whilst you’re feeling your eyes watering up, and all you want is to run away and hide. No matter how much the sun shines, all days seem a little bit darker, just a little bit gloomier. You can’t help but feeling like a fool, like you’ve just won the gold medal in being the biggest joke in town. And no matter how much you try not to think about it, no matter how much you try to pretend that everything is fine, these feelings slowly start creeping up on you. With every day that passes it feels like you’re losing a little bit of yourself, bit by bit a small part of your soul dies, and a part of your heart gets shattered. So what can you do when you feel like this? When you feel like you have cried all the tears you physically have inside of you to cry? In my case, all I can do is to express myself through music…
Tracklisting for OrsiiCast 8:
01. 7D – He’s Gone
02. Cresa Watson – Dead
03. Erykah Badu – Green Eyes
04. Al Green – How Can You Mend A Broken Heart
05. Aretha Franklin – I Never Loved A Man (The Way I Love You)
06. Mayer Hawthorne – I Wish It Would Rain
07. Corinne Bailey Rae – Till It Happens To You
08. Lauryn Hill – Ex Factor
09. Janet Jackson – Got ‘Til I’ts Gone
10. Darondo – Didn’t I (Trishes Edit)
11. Chet Baker – The Thrill Is Gone
12. Eva Cassidy- Autumn Leaves
13. Feist – Let It Die
Tune! I used to be addicted to this song back in the day.
Afternoon! So, I was kindly reminded by Lefto earlier today that I downloaded this great mix from the lovely bunch over at Moovmnt.com and completely forgotten about it. But I was listening to it all morning today, and since it is rather brilliant, I thought I would remind the rest of you who haven’t downloaded it to check it out! Oh, and as always, I’d highly recommend you to head over to their website as well, some great stuff to be discovered that will most definitely please your ears! Try to enjoy this one in the sunshine though. (if you can)
Tracklisting for Moovmnt – Cali Love (mixed by Mr Speak):
01. Exile – It’s Coming Down (Shafiq Husayn Remix)
02. Co$$ – L.A.’s Best Feat. Shawn Jackson
03. Pac Dive – Taste
04. Dom Kennedy – Guess Who It Is
05. Hawthorne Headhunters – U Say
06. Quazedelic – Searchin (Instrumental)
07. SA-RA Creative Partners – Fantastic Vampyr
08. Anthony Valadez – Go Feat. Wendisue, John Robinson & Flying Lotus
09. Tiron – The High
10. Leon Ware – Why I Came To California
11. U-N-I – Calender Girls
12. Dam-Funk – Toeachizown
13. Yasuko Agawa – L.A. Night
14. Dam-Funk – On & On
15. Gene Harris – Los Alamitos Latinfunklovesong
16. Dom Kennedy – Hellagood Intermission
17. B. Bravo – Computa Love
18. Scarub & Very – Do Thangs
19. DJ Quik – Blaqkout
20. Cubic Zirconia – Fuck Work (Dam-Funk Remix)
21. Dogg Master – I’m Ready
This made me giggle. Think I need to email Mr Hawthorne…
I just got through the door and I am absolutely exhausted. Literally stuffed my face with some cereal and should be going to bed but… Tonight’s event was so inspiring that I feel like I need to write it all down while it is still fresh in my head. If it doesnt quite add up or make sense, I apologise in advance.
So… what can I say apart from the fact that I truly felt like home tonight. But that might be a big leap to the conclusion of this night, so lets wind it back a bit.
Some of you might now what the CDR nights at Plastic People are about, some of you might not. In the words of the burnt progress crew, it is a “night of ideas and tracks in the making mixed from recordable CD’s and other digital media”. You can catch CDR every second Thursday of the month at Plastic People, and it is a night open for all (small & big) producers and music/beat makers who come down and just play their new/old finished/in the making productions. CDR Knowledge was an event that took this concept one step further, inviting some of these producers and music makers to talk about how they make music and sharing their little tips and tricks with the rest of us.
In my own opinion, this evenings event was about many things. First of all it featured 3 amazing producers and beat makers: Bullion, Floating Points and Simbad, who all shared their personal stories and experiences of producing and making beats/music. Second of all, they had an introduction to Logic Pro 9, and gave us all a chance to play around with the software on computers and ask the ‘pros’ for tips and various questions you’ve always wanted to ask. Not to mention that you had ‘members’ from the CDR crew like Morgan Zarate, Aaron Jerome, Soundspecies, Guynamite making beats on the spot. But I think that the most important thing this event proved, at least to me, that there really is a community out there, a little family of music makers that all share the same love and passion for great music. And instead of trying to compete and rip each other off, we should all come together and help each other out.
A lot of other great people where there, like The 8Bitch, Mr Beatnick, Semtek, Greymatter Beats, Soul Identity, Kev Luckhurst, Charlie Dark and probably many many others I never had the chance to have a chat with. But all in all, the atmosphere and the vibe was just amazing.
Bullion started off the night talking about his track “Get Familiar“, and what made me smile was that everybody were drinking and socialising, but when he started playing the track, a strange silence fell across the room and as you looked around, you found yourself bopping your head along to the beat with almost every single person in there. I don’t know how to explain it properly, but it was one of those great moments when you just start smiling to yourself because you realise that you are in a room with so many other people that are, in a way, just like yourself. And it felt really good.
Simbad went through his track “Soul Fever“, and I loved the fact that he pointed out the importance of backing up your music on several hard drives, because horrible shit can happen when your laptop suddenly crashes and you lose all your work. Im sure most of us had a little giggle to ourselves, because I know of so many people who have lost their work due to a silly little thing like that.
Floating Points finished off the night talking about how he made “Love Me Like This“, a track that I never seem to be able to get tired off. He was saying how he now have learnt the importance of ‘pre mastering’ his tracks before they actually get mastered, and how much trouble they had gone through to actually getting the track mastered due to various ‘issues’ and things people don’t really think about when they make it in their bedrooms, but never gone through the process of putting it on wax before.
Personally, what I liked most about this event was that we were all there because of one common interest, our love for music. The little talks the boys had about their tracks didn’t contain many ‘AHA!’ moments, however, they gave most people a sense of reassurance. Meaning, just like the rest of us, these guys didn’t really know how to do things either when they first started out making music. They found their own little ways of making things work and sounding good, and they stuck to it. I think it was a great way of demonstrating the fact that making music isn’t rocket science, and even the most simple tracks can turn out to be amazing.
I had such a great time & experience, and I feel like a learnt a lot, even about things I kind of already knew. I hope they will continue doing these nights once in a while, because I believe it is a nice way of getting people who make music together and create an atmosphere where you’re not ashamed to ask all those questions that might have been annoying you for quite some time. As always, the only thing I missed was having some girls representing haha. WHERE MY GIRLS AT!? Hm, yes… I think I need to stop going out, save money, and start making music again.
Right, bed time for me I think. Much love to you all! x
